The Odd One Out

It's two days before 2010 and I'm anxious to find out what the year has in store for me.
I turned 23 (approximately) two weeks ago and it seems like things are already taking a positive turn for me.
Since the night of my birthday dinner, it's like I've woken up even more in a sense.
I have a handful of personal goals that I'd like to acheive by 31 Dec 2010.
But even if I only achieved one of those goals and complete it whole-heartedly, I'd be happy.

2009 was the year thay begun the search of being my own person...
I stood up against my parents and told them what I wanted.
After 22 years, they had to know me by now right?
Sometimes that statement feels like the exact opposite.
But as much as my family want me to be like them in life, share the same attributes and whatnot, for the first time I don't mind being the odd one out.
I don't mind not being the one that doesn't fit in.
I don't mind being misunderstood.

I've felt the feeling of it for years now but now I feel I can finally accept it.
I know my opinions and thoughts have always been different to those of my family members and relatives and at this moment, I'm honestly okay with it.

Peace and love,
chauie

Embarrassed (I Wish)

Is it bad that I still think about you?
Since that night
When only two words were exchanged
Between us?

I wish you were still there
When I turned around

I wish I was the girl that turns heads
Whenever she walked into a room

I wish I was confident enough
To say more than just (that) one word to you

I wish I could walk right up to you
And strike up a conversation
Ask you questions
Get to know you

I wish our mutual friend
Knew how I felt and would lend a helping hand

Despite all these wishes though
There's only one that I really want you to know
One in which I hope one day
We can make come true
And simply that wish is:

"I wish that you knew how I felt about you"

The way you looked at me
Made me feel as though I was worth looking at
And I hope to find someone one day
Who looks at me
Just the way you did
(Til then, I might just give up altogether..)

You looked my way
And I held your gaze
But I felt embarrassed after a little while
And that had me turning away

I wish I had kept looking...


x
chauie
You've got this look I can't describe, You make me feel like I'm alive' - Like A Star, Corinne Bailey Rae

Merry Christmas Yo!

Hello to all who read my blog regularly or come by to see what I've posted about every once in a while.

Just wanna take this time out to thank you and to wish you all a Merry and Happy Christmas!

Spend it with your loved ones and although I'm not one to usually celebrate the holiday, I'd like to remind you all that it is a time of giving and not necessarily receiving.

xx

chauie

Exploded Photography by Adam Voorhes

The latest works of Adam Voorhes is positively mind-blowing. Literally.

The abovementioned description of Voorhes' work sounds nearly impossibly on paper but when looking at his latest series, Exploding Photography, it is very easy to change your mind.

Ever wondered what you would see if you pulled apart a pistol, an etch-a-sketch, a telephone, or even a frog?

Voorhes has done just that by capturing the dissection of each subject to its most basic elements, and through a great eye and a lot of spare time, has photographed what many are calling a "celebration of deconstruction".

Adam Voorhes is a photographer and an artist but more importantly, he is a creator. Voorhes has the skill to look at an ordinary object and project it to appear incredibly beautiful.

Imagine just the thought process behind coming up with an idea like this.

Amazing and mind-numbing!

*Pictures courtesy of Walyou

Offended

Who are they to judge me?
They've seen me out and having "fun" twice
They don't know about the others
Don't call me something that I may not be

(But even if I am what you say I am, wouldn't you fit into the same category?
We all make decisions based on our personal choices. I'm sorry but I refuse to succumb to what you think is right and wrong - what's good and bad)

Don't make assumptions
I thought they knew me
By now
But I guess they dont know me at all

I knew there was a reason why i never disclosed information about that part of my life
I am quite offended by the comment
Knowing they made it behind my back


Thanks a lot, mate(s).


Getting things off my chest,
chauie
'Well I, thought I knew you. Thinking, that you were true. I guess I, I couldn't trust 'cause your bluff time is up 'cause I've had enough' - Fighter, Christina Aguilera

DJ AM x NIKE

DJ AM aka Adam Goldstein had a crazy sneaker collection, boasting more than 800 pairs - that's more pairs of shoes/heels/flats/sneakers than I've owned in my lifetime!

Before his tragic death in August, the celebrity DJ announced, via his Twitter profile (@DJ_AM), that he was working on a collaboration with Nike for his own version of the Dunk Hightops.

"This is one of the most amazing moments," AM tweeted earlier this year. "I just HELD the sample of MY OWN NIKE DUNK. I never dreamed this would happen. Wow, THANK YOU G0D."

As you should all know by now DJ AM was found dead earlier this year, on August 28th, in his NYC apartment from what many have claimed a drug overdose.

As you may or may not know, DJ AM was working closely with Nike on a new pair of Dunks for the East/West Rivalry Pack.

Well, photos of the limited kicks hit the internet recently, building anticipation for their release.

The DJ AM and Nike collaboration has produced this black and red Dunk, but it's unfortunate that the late DJ isn’t around to see the product that bears his name make it to production.

No word yet if - or when - these kicks will be hitting our Australian shores.

*Photos courtesy of FreshnessMag

Peace,

chauie

Reflect

For those of you whom read my thoughts (a lot), you should really pay attention to the lyrics noted at the end of each post.

Because those words often reflect my life more than what I write about.

Funny that.

Night,
chauie

P.S: I'm officially 23! :0)
xx

I'm Not Interested

Last night I celebrated my twenty-third birthday and despite all the constant teasing and questioning, a wave of relief went through me,
when seeing who showed up to dinner and not seeing him.

I'm glad that last night he did not show up
the boy from Saturday

The constant questioning will not get my friends anywhere
to say "I'm not interested" does not get taken lightly around here

Gayfish

And now there's someone else who's come back into my life
Five years on
Someone whom I haven't seen
I dont know who he is...
Anymore

What if i bring him back into my life
But something happens?

Good or bad,
I think it is a big risk

It seems as though he is chasing me,
Five years on
As compared to me,
chasing him
Five years back...

But the more i think about it
The less i want it to happen

Because of this, my friend says I'm a strange cookie.
What do you think?

In a contemplative mood,
chauie
'Don't ask for more, coz what you're searching for, you won't find at my door' - Don't Ask For More, Abby Dobson

Twenty-Three

In three days, on Thursday(17th December), I will be turning twenty-three and a celebration of dinner with my closest friends is really the only thing I want.

A night where we can relax, chill out,talk (about Saturday night I'm sure) and laugh til we cry.

When a girlfriend was organising my present, she asked if there was anything in particular I wanted and I responded by telling her "nothing.. Just for everyone to show up!"

That's all I would ever want for each birthday I tend on celebrating in the years to come.

No tiffany necklaces
No DJ heroes.

There's no need for the materialistic things

Sure they're pretty but looks fade and they'll no longer be thought of it as shiny and pretty.

If I learnt anything after the weekend trip away in Coffs Harbour, it's that these are the people that I am meant to share and experience life with and I don't want to lose them or ever risk losing them ever again...

In deep thought,
chauie

Beneath Those Clouds..

last night turned out to be pretty crazy
celebrating the night away
of a girl turning twenty-three
a girl whose night lived up to the hype
and everyone's expectations...
thank goodness!

she consumed a lot of drinks,
did some dancing,
got a shout out from the dj/mc
received a birthday kiss...

but when she woke up this morning
through the cloudiness of her mind
and alcohol still in her system,
beneath those clouds
she found herself thinking about someone
who wasn't there last night
but she sure as hell wishes he was.

x
chauie
'Just want you to know, You had me at hello' - Hello, Beyonce

Indefinitely

Okay so here's part 2 of previous post 'Ignorant', one I've aptly titled as 'Indefinitely'.

(Written 3rd December 2009)

There is a reason why
I
No longer share my news with you
News, whether it be good or bad.
I heard the surprise in your voice
When?
The first time you found out I was studying again
And I always had a feeling
That you thought I could never do it.
I just needed time away and for myself
To figure it all out
But you thought I was just wasting it.

I'm glad I proved you wrong
I'm glad I no longer have you in my life
(At least not my personal one)
I don't need you
Or your discouraging words bringing me down

Your recent behaviour
Has confirmed to me
Indefinitely
That you're no good for me
And it's best that I walk away now
And leave you (coughing) in the dust...


x
chauie
'Now all I battle is your ego and your pride. It's ticking like a time bomb, ready too ignite. Hurtin' me to fight.' - Wake Up, Alicia Keys

Ignorant..

Okay so I wrote this piece after I came back and it has two parts. After feeling good about writing again, I think I've found my groove again coz I feel like I was neglecting this blog a little bit back there.
Anyway, I think it's self-explanatory... the only question is... who is it about? :P

(Written 3rd December 2009)

It's funny to think and now I know
That things haven't changed between us
Things are still the same
You put on an act in front of others which is strange
Especially since it's been a while since anything happened
When we're alone,
You act like I don't exist
But when people are around us,
You pretend that you're happy to see me.
Whatever.

I'm glad (and proud of myself) that I didn't fall for your ways this time around.
I just don't think you realise how you're treating me.
The after-effect(s).
Which is kinda sad.
Coz this naive and ignorant behaviour / act you got going on
May someday leave you in a position you don't want to be.

I think it's time for you to wake up and act your age!
On the exterior, you're a mature man
(Or at least you're doing a good job pretending)
But I found out that underneath it all,
You're just a little boy who doesn't know any better.

Second part coming soon!
x
chauie
'It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna make it anyway. Close the door behind you. Leave your key. I'd rather be alone than unhappy.' It's Not Right But It's Okay, Whitney Houston

Fun

(Written on 28 November 2009)

They're downstairs whilst I'm up
I went outside before
And the cold wind felt good against my face
In a sense, stopping my tears from escaping - if that were possible.
But the cold breeze hit my legs in shorts
And I hurried inside.
Well, that was part of the reason.
The other part was coz the sound of laughter was too much.
Hearing the happiness against my saddened thoughts contradicted my mood in a sense
And so it had me rushing inside to find my earphones
I've got Thom on repeat now
And I've blocked out the rest of the world.

... At least until that bedroom door bursts open and it's time for me to stop writing and join in on the 'fun'.

Peace,
chauie
'In the night, I hear them talk the coldest story ever told. Somewhere far along this road,' - Heartless, Kanye West

There There

(Written on 28 November 2009)

There's just some things you realise that you want and things you don't.

I wish my best friend was here with me right now.

There are times when I feel like I still put my guard up with her (coz of my past experiences) but I think this weekend - this trip - would have been the perfect time for the both of us to have a good ol' heart to heart.

There are two best friends on this trip and seeing them earlier chatting away and catching up made me miss mine even more.

She's finished with Uni now so maybe someday soon...

I also miss my Auntie.

I feel like I haven't experienced that closure for her since she passed. I feel like I haven't cried all the tears I can possibly endure. I haven't yet let go of all of the emotions that are bottled up within me right now (and I know they're still there coz I let some escape the first night we were here).

The worst part is, (and I can't keep thinking about it either), that I realised too late that I never got to say all the things I wanted to say when the realisation of her loss hit me.
Sometimes I wish my aunt wasn't cremated and was buried instead so that I could go to her grave (on my own terms) whenever I needed to and just speak my thoughts - out loud.

My hands shake and my eyes are welling up as I write this and listen to Thom York singing out to me 'Just coz you feel it, doesn't mean it's there.' (Radiohead, There There)

I've escaped from the rest of my group of friends for the moment to jot down my thoughts but it saddens me a bit knowing that they haven't noticed that I'm missing and come looking for me... coz well, it's been awhile..

A bit of a lengthy one,
chauie

Too Little, Too Late

Okay so now that I've posted the thoughts running through my mind within the past 12 hours, I'll move on and keep my promise of posting pieces I wrote during last weekend's trip. These aren't necessarily poetry but thoughts I had during the trip. Thoughts I didn't think to speak out loud... I'll post one now and the others later.

(Written on 26th November 2009)

The view of this place is so beautiful
But there is something I've just found out
That has already lead
To a mix of paranoia and hate
But even if they were to turn around and say something now,
It would just be too little, too late.
I guess when time passes,
You forget about what could have been.
People change and sometimes
We say things that aren't really what it seems.
The things I've found out online
Which I know was not meant for my eyes to see
Are things you cannot take back
It's out there now (for everyone to see) so I guess we just gotta let it be...
But the feeling of not knowing
Still forms a feeling of hurt within
I'm not Christian but I can't help but saying, 'Forgive me father, for I (feel that I) have sinned'.

A sinner of words, assumptions, exclamations and thoughts.

Peace.
chauie
'Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye' - Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson

A Thousand Thoughts

So I know I said I was going to post pieces that I'd written whilst on a trip away with my crew last weekend but last night, I went to a farewell and there were moments during the night where I would just sit there, look around at everyone conversing and say nothing.

Saying nothing but thinking a thousand thoughts.

There have been many times in my life, moreso within the past year or two, where I've wondered why I'm here.

Common said it right when he narrates on Kid Cudi's track 'In My Dreams (Cudder Anthem)', stating 'Long before we know ourselves, Our paths are already set in stone. Some may never figure out their purpose in life, And some will.'

That's what I want to know. A good friend of mine, where we've only recently became close after he came back from an overseas trip, told me that when he talked to me, he felt like I was looking for answers.

And he was right on point.
I am looking for answers.
One in particular: What is my purpose in life?

There are days when I sit amongst my friends (like last night) and feel like I don't belong.
There are times when I'm surrounded by people and still feel all alone.

It can be pretty fucked up to feel this way.

I always thought that these particular thoughts would be something I'd always keep to myself, close to my heart. At the very least, write them on the back of a postcard and send them to PostSecret (aka the best creative idea ever!) but knowing me, I would write too much and run out of space on the tiny bit of blank space.

But I'm turning twenty-three in twelve days and for me, I feel, it's the age where I need to finally let my guards down and be honest. Moreso with myself than anyone else.

And what better way to do so than here on this blog. These are, after all, my thoughts.
But I hope, like I've previously mentioned when I started this blog, that people accept my thoughts for what they are - my opinions, my experiences. Some things you can be symapthetic towards but most times, I just want to figure it out on my own. I mean, isn't that what life is all about? Experiencing things and learning from the wrong and remembering the right?

But that doesn't necessarily mean that I won't accept your shoulder, your hand, or a hug if you offer it to me.

Peace and love yo.
x
chauie
'Baby how I dream of being free since my birth, Cursed but the demons I confronted would disperse. Have you ever heard of some shit so real? Beyond from the heart, from the soul you can feel. - The Prayer, Kid Cudi

Apologies

Hi yo

So I've been away for the past few days on a real mad hectic trip with my 13itches crew and then some so haven't been able to post but that didn't stop me from writing so expect for some to be coming your way over the next couple of days :)

At work at the moment so gotta get back to it.

Peace.
chauie

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Went to another magazine launch earlier tonight..
Same magazine as last time but different issue.

I showed up overdressed in a pretty top and jeans whereas everyone else was in tee shirts.
Fail Number One.

I admit part of me was hoping to see the boy who still has me intrigued by the look he once gave when I first spotted him, or rather he spotted me.
And I did see him... but only for about 5 seconds which brings in Fail Number Two.

It was a classic case of wrong place, wrong time.
This time though, our eyes didn't meet. At all. :(

As the night went on, I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest.
I felt like I couldn't tell anyone either about how I was feeling coz those who are in the know weren't there for me to gossip / retell every little step to and giggle with and those who aren't were too busy trying to pick up the opposite sex.

Whatever.

I only left the event for a moment.
Why did I choose to leave at that moment?

Til next time,
chauie
'All dressed up and nowhere to go...' - Emergency (911), Jordin Sparks

Not Right

Something doesn't feel right.

The feeling started yesterday...

I had a great day at work, productivity-wise that is. I got through way more work than my suggested "target" so I treated myself and went shopping for an hour. Picked up a great maxi dress for a bargain price and then decided to leave.

Boom!
It started raining then I hopped on the wrong train - twice!
Who does that?
Isn't once enough?
My brother came and picked me up hours later and started going off at me bringing my already shitty mood down further.
Needless to say, I didn't say much..

And I haven't said much all day today either..

At work but not wanting to be here,
chauie
'Oh, it looks like rain tonight and thank God. 'Cause a clear sky just wouldn't feel right.' - Come Round Soon, Sara Bareilles

Eibatova Karina ( Eika )

I've fallen in love.

No, not with a boy but with the work of an artist whose eye for intricate lines and attention to detail shines through her dope and whimsical drawings.


The artist in question is Russia-based Eibatova Karina (also known as Eika) and her pencil illustrations are utterly fresh. Check out her latest showcase, Life in the Alphabet, in which she explains,

"The idea of the project is to represent a letter in a natural form and appearance.
Like something alive has turned into a letter and stood still.
In some letters it's possible to find symbolism, others are just an abstract form.
In the alphabet you can find only one human - a woman in space. And one unreal creature - a dragon, also a very symbolical sign. "

Three words: Beautiful, creative and inspiring.



Peace yo,
chauie

Selfish.

Last night was an emotional night.
With family and then friends.

It was the 49th day after my aunt's death and I was there to pray for her along with some of the rest of my relatives.

"In the Mahayana Buddhism, especially, Vietnamese tradition we pray for the dead for 49 days after passing away, 49 being the estimated time it takes for the spirit to be reborn again into a new life. Some spirits are reborn 3 days, 21 days, 49 days or 100 days after death, and in some cases even 7 years."

After the prayers, one of the monks spoke a little prayer and said words that would help us to move on with our lives. Not being fluent in Vietnamese, I only stood bits and pieces but the parts I did understand, ultimately lead to tears streaming down my face [and everyone else's].

I still miss her...
...And I don't know if I'll ever stop crying for her...

~

Later that night, I went out to meet my friends for a joint birthday celebration.

I was pretty late as I had the family commitment to attend to but when I arrived, it was a good feeling that everyone was so supportive and welcoming. Hugs all around and comments that they were waiting for me to show up.

I love my friends.

As far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I need.
They don't need to know the whole story on certain issues but I know that they'll always be there for me.

In fact I want to take this moment right now to apologise to one friend in particular - K.A - sorry for my words in regards to my choices. Sorry for my selfish choice.
I've decided not to go ahead with it.
I hope you forgive me for it.

x
chauie
'I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes. I'm tired of this smile, that even I don't recognise' - The Good Kind, The Wreckers

Cry.

Almost everytime we talk online, I end up with tears streaming down my face.

Most of the time, I'll keep crying, long after the conversation is over.

There are so many words exchanged and messages within those words that the emotional side of me takes over.

I don't know if I love him for it or dislike him for it.

That's all.

x
chauie
'It's clear in my head, and I'm screaming for something. Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all' - On My Own, The Used

Wierd.

I have a strange feeling in my heart.
Wierd even
And no, it's not about a boy.
It's about a girl.
And no, sorry fellas, but I'm not coming out of the closet :P

This particular girl is someone I havent spoken to for a few months now and this week we came into contact again but I wasn't exactly Miss Nice Girl as I usually am.

I was cold and I know it.

It's just strange because I wrote about her last month. Her and someone else and the stranger thing is, I forgave the other girl - something I didn't think I'd be doing for a long time - last week. I think I forgave her coz I missed her. She was there for me when something personal was bothering me and when things came tumbling down again, I wanted to call her but in a sense, thought / knew that I couldn't.

This other girl though, I don't really want to forgive her.
Not now.

I needed to let that out.
Night,
chauie
'I'm so far gone now. I been running on empty. I'm so far gone now. Do you wanna take me on?' - Lunacy Fringe, The Used

Disguise

The stresses of yesterday broke me.
I reached it.
That point.

I felt so burnt out.
Whilst waiting for my train, I wanted to break down and just cry for hours on end.
I felt the tears coming on but I held them back

It wasn't until I was watching the series return of a show and one of the characters said something along the lines of:

"I know what you're doing. You're keeping your feelings bottled up and you can't do that and one day you're just going to explode".

Those words were enough.
The tears came and kept on coming.

I felt like she was talking directly to me.
I do tend to hide my true feelings.
I still keep my guard up
I wear a disguise.

Night yo,
chauie
'Look at me, you tell me, just what you see. Am I, someone whom, you may love, or enemy. Am I speaking for, you and yours, or someone else. I need some answers. Yeah Yeah' - Mr Solo Dolo, Kid Cudi

Gem

This week has been a real gem... I don't know if I'm being sarcastic with that word but let's just say it's a little bit of truth and sarcasm.

Two major assessments are done and have been handed in.
Finito.
It's left my hands
The weight has been lifted.
After two nights of barely any sleep...
After days of stressing and underestimation of time..
After hours of procrastination,
I can finally breathe a sigh of relief
*phew! :)

On the other hand...

Yesterday was a real winner. *cue sarcasm now*
Got into work early to leave early only finding out when I got in that the girl I asked to stay back called in sick. What a coincidence!
So I stayed back an hour.
Left the office just after 5.
Got to the train station and the trains had broken down.
Walked 45 minutes to get to a station with working trains in 38 degree weather.
Yay...

If you havent yet noticed, this post is just a vent.

I'm out - for now.
chauie
'Close my eyes and move to the back of my head. Where worries are washed out to sea' - Yesterday's Feelings, The Used

Independent (I Gotta)

Guess I gotta go back to being the girl I've always been
Independent
(my own) Woman
Making my own decisions
Not giving a shit about what other people say
I may ask for advice
But at the end of the day, it's me making that decision
That choice
What will I be deciding next?

Gotta get into that mindset:
That 'it's your loss'
I just can't help but wonder
Would it be different
If you had been the one to approach me?

I noticed you watching me
And I kinda wish it was you that approached me
But I know there are things I gotta be cautious about
Things I have yet to physically see

You looked over at me
Yet I still can't figure you out
You've got me intrigued
Can't (seem to) figure out what you're all about


Night yo.
chauie
'Who would I want if I would wanna live. I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get. Ladies, it ain't easy being independent' - Independent Women, Destiny's Child

One Day

I wrote this piece a few weeks ago on the way home from class. I don't know why I didn't post it earlier... I supposed it's because certain things happened between then and now that had me switching my mind and deciding not to post it at all. But something interesting happened on Friday and so I went and looked for it and well... here it is. I guess it's true when people say that 'certain things happen when you least expect it'.

~

There are times when I see you
And I want to say Hi
But often you give me a look
That simply says Goodbye
A look that seems you're looking right through me
I know I've given off mixed vibes
But it's because of what you disclosed to he
Lately I've been dealing with personal shit
I kinda wish you knew...
Coz you were there when things first took its toll
I know now I can't trust many, only a few
A wise woman once told me,
'You should be able to count your true friends on one hand...'
You used to be there
But now you've slipped through like (tiny) grains of sand

You may not believe it
But I do hope we talk again one day
Until that moment,
I don't know what else I can say...

Peace yo.
chauie
'It's hard to say I miss you. Since you've been gone, it's not the same' - Hard To Say, The Used

Hoping

The bout of confidence I was looking for yesterday
Has seemed to disappear within 24 hours

I finished work early today and thought:
'Fuck it - I'm just gonna walk in there and see what happens'.

So I did but the wrong person approached me...
But I stayed conversing anyway...

Hoping
Hoping he would glance over and recognise my smile, my voice
Hoping something would trigger his memory from 'that' night

But I guess nothing did
Coz he didn't walk over

But then again, when the conversation was over,
I felt someone watching me...
... and when I looked up,
He looked away...

What now?

Curious,
chauie
'Cos I'm slipping away, like the sand to the tide. Flowing into your arms, falling into your eyes. If you get too near, I might disappear, I might lose my mind' - Too Lost In You, Sugababes

Why Can't I Be That Girl?

I wanna find that confidence within me that I had when I was in Melbourne.

I was mysterious

'The girl was in action'

A lot of times I wonder why I cant be that girl in Sydney.

Actually i know why...

I know the answer to my own question but it's stupid:

I'm scared.
Scared of rejection
Scared of conversation
Scared of those awkward silences
Scared of the fact that i know I'll clam up even when no words have been spoken

Anyhow,
Time to drag my sad self to bed now.

Night,
chauie
'Red letter day and I'm in a blue mood. Wishing that blue would just carry me away' - Many The Miles, Sara Bareilles

Where The Wild Things Are x Girl Skateboards

Hands up who can't wait for 'Where The Wild Things Are' to hit our screens?? :)

For those who don't know, Where The Wild Things Are is a 1963 children's picture book by American writer Maurice Sendak and was originally published by Harper & Row. The book has recently been adapted into a live-action feature film directed by Spike Jonze.

The film has already been released in the U.S [in mid-October] and won the weekend box office, taking in US$32.5 million. Many critics have noted that the adaptation of the popular's children book is rather dark and may be too scary for children, but older fans of the story will still love the story and concept of the movie.

Unfortunately the movie won't be hitting our Aussie screens until December 3rd and with the release of the movie, you can no doubt expect plenty of merchandise from shirts, hats, posters, the movie soundtrack (fronted by Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and her friends), toys, games and plenty of accessories we probably won't need but will still want.

Until we are able to physically watch 'Where The Wild Things Are' at the movies, Girl Skateboards has gained inspiration from the movie and have designed these dope skateboard decks. So for anyone who likes to jump on a skateboard and land some tricks or travel their way into the distance, why not grab yourself one of these?

Damn, it makes me want to learn how to skate!

Photos courtesy of Lifelounge

Peace yo,

chauie

Good Vibrations 2010

This is a late post but my favourite artist of the moment (and you all should know who that is) KID CUDI is playing at The Good Vibrations Festival in February 2010!!


Photo courtesy of Blastro

LINE UP ANNOUNCED!
Jam Music is extremely excited to announce our amazing line up for Good Vibrations Festival 2010!

THE KILLERS

BASEMENT JAXX

ARMAND VAN HELDEN

GOSSIP

BUSTA RHYMES

FRIENDLY FIRES

SALT-N-PEPA

Z-TRIP

KID CUDI

NAUGHTY BY NATURE

PLUMP DJS

GYM CLASS HEROES

CHASE & STATUS LIVE

DAVE SEAMAN

CRAZE

CHUCKIE

ART VS SCIENCE

BASS KLEPH

SAM OBERNIK

KILLAQUEENZ

Hosted By SLIMKID3

TICKETS ON SALE 9AM FRIDAY 30TH OCTOBER!
Make sure to set your alarm clocks as tickets will be on sale from 9am next Friday, 30th October!
Be the first to grab your tickets to THE Summer festival of 2010 at http://www.gvf.com.au/ !!

Cudi will be playing the Sydney show on Feb 13 but I am tossing up whether I should watch him play a 20-30min set at this festival or should I wait for announcement of his sideshows and go watch him play all his hit music, and I'm not just talking about music from his debut album.

Although I wouldn't mind going to both... :)

Decisions, decisions.

If anyone hears of his sideshows before I do, please please please hit me up on the comments and let me know!!

Check out his freestyles yo!!

Best news ever,
chauie

Breakdown

I just had the most intense, emotional and honest conversation with a friend which later lead me confessing things to another friend.

It must of been something in the air coz I let my guard down and I relived my past.

I was in tears all throughout...

It wasn't the best feeling but afterwards I felt good.

At one point, my brother came into the room and asked me why I was crying and I had to lie and say that my friend just told me some sad news when really it was me telling my friends some sad stuff.

When he left the room, I broke down.

An hour ago I was an emotional mess.

But now, I'm glad I finally told more than one person in my circle of friends.

The question is, Can I breathe now?


Night,
chauie
'..In reality I'm slowly losing my mind, Underneath the guise of smile. Gradually I'm dying inside. Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly, Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering' - Breakdown, Mariah Carey ftg Bone Thugz & Harmony

Music of Twilight: New Moon

Okay so maybe I'm one of two people left on this planet who haven't yet jumped onto the Twilight saga bandwagon but I just don't see what's so special about it. My workmate lent me the first book a couple of months ago and I told her I wasn't going to read it. Needless to say, that same book is still sitting on my desk collecting dust. Sorry.

And I really don't think the lead characters are hot - you're joking right? I know it's the characters they play that everyone is in love with but still.

Anyways I'm not here to diss the movie/book/teen love story/whatever, I'm actually here to applaud the people who chose the music for the soundtrack of the second installment of the series: New Moon.

Have you guys checked out the track-listing? It's fantastic!

For those who can't see it above - I've rewritten it below for you :)

1. Death Cab for Cutie - Meet Me On the Equinox

2. Band of Skulls - Friends

3. Thom Yorke - Hearing Damage

4. Lykke Li - Possibility

5. The Killers - A White Demon Love Song

6. Anya Marina - Satellite Heart

7. Muse - I Belong To You (New Moon Remix)

8. Bon Iver & St. Vincent - Rosyln

9. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Done All Wrong

10. Hurrican Bells - Monsters

11. Sea Wolf - The Violet Hour

12. OK Go - Shooting the Moon

13. Grizzly Bear (with Victor Legrand) - Slow Life

14. Editors - No Sound But the Wind

15. Alexandre Desplat - New Moon (The Meadow)

Bonus iTunes track:

16. Lupe Fiasco - Solar Midnite

Actually makes me want to go out and buy the record or download it, even though I have no interest in the story / concept of what these songs are supposedly relating to.

Check it out!

Pictures courtesy of Reel Movie News and Twilight-Review.com

Happy listening,

chauie

Little People Project

I just did a post for my 13itches familia and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, so I thought I'd post it here too - check it!

~

Imagine randomly walking through the streets of London and (if you’ve got great vision) stumbling upon ‘little hand-painted people, left in London to fend for themselves’.

UK artist Slinkachu started his Little People Project a few years ago, back in 2006, by taking miniature train set characters, remodelling and painting them, and then leaving them around the city with the ordinary problems and situations we’re faced with to fend for themselves.

"The scenes I set up, more evident through the photography, and the titles I give these scenes aim to reflect the loneliness and melancholy of living in a big city, almost being lost and overwhelmed. But underneath this, there is always some humour. I want people to be able to empathise with the tiny people in my works."

Slinkachu really captures the feel of life, like for example with the three images above, through contemplation, romance and disaster. The urban art installations are so small they tend to blend in with the surrounding street and sidewalk debris, so next time you’re walking through the streets of London, be sure to watch your step!

Check out my favourite below, aptly titled ‘Life As We Know It’:

This is an artist whose blog I regularly check back on to see what other ordinary situations he’s placed these “little people” into and you can do the same at http://little-people.blogspot.com/ .

Photos courtesy of Little People.

Enjoy yo!

chauie

To Forgive... Or Not?

I was chatting with a good mate of mine online last week and he told me that even though it's only been a couple months, he felt the need to contact his ex and send her a text message to see how she was going.

For me, that was the first sign that this was not going to go anywhere positive.

It was a sign that even though I did not think she deserved it, in a sense, it felt like he wanted to.
After all the feelings and emotions he went through because of the break-up, a part of him still wanted to forgive her.

He also told me that he sensed the feeling that she missed me - as a friend and as one of the girls she could turn to. He asked me to initiate the contact with her and I told him that I wasn't sure if I could but that I'd think about it.

Not wanting to drag this conversation out any further, for fear of where it might lead and what things might have come out of our thoughts if we continued, I said goodnight and logged off.

The next morning and for a few days after that conversation, I kept thinking about my conversation with him and each time, I came back with the same conclusion / question. A question that I want to say to him but I don't know if I can... that question being:

'How can you forgive someone who treated you like shit?'

This question just doesn't apply to him and the way he treated her but to all relationships and friendships. Do people really deserve a second chance if they did you wrong?

I applied it to a friendship I had that was recently "broken" [with a girl at work] and for me, I just don't think I could do it. Forgive them, I mean.

Needless to say, at this point, I don't think I'll be picking up the phone to send a text message - to either girl.

Peace,
chauie
'And when you say it doesn't matter, well it does. And all it takes is a mistake to eat your words', - Second Chances, Michelle Branch

Future Plans

So during my stressful week last week, I organised to have some downtime with one of the best males in my life - Jussy - with some gossip, bitching, catch-up and making future plans. We generally meet up once a month, but with both of us leading hectic schedules nowadays, this was the first night in about 3-4 months we had seen each other and really got to do one of our "talks".

Usually the majority of our catch-ups involve talking about our crazy rendezvous with the random boys popping up in our lives and indeed there were stories to tell that night! ;) Unfortunately our dinner didn't last very long and we had to rush through dessert as I had another commitment to be at after dinner but we did get to talking about something that has got me quite excited: travel plans!


After being hit with the travelling bug after my big trip to Japan with friends earlier on in the year, I've decided to make one big trip each year - that way, I can gather enough leave at work to actually go without having to lose my job over it (as much as I do complain about being there!) and I am able to give myself enough time to save up enough dosh to travel for as long as I want.

Anyways we got to talking and the next trip on the cards is to pop on over to the States - most likely East Coast. I really wanna go to New York and he really wants to go La La Land and we both want to go to Miami. I cannot wait!

We also made plans and a promise to each other that before we're 30, we will travel around the world together. The plan is that no matter where we are or what we're doing, if we haven't gone by the time he turns 30 [April bday], we will plan our trip to go asap before I hit 30 [December bday].

There was also a plan interlinked with that trip that if we were in relationships, we would leave our partners behind for a few months and go on this trip and if we were in jobs, we would quit and come back starting completely over.

Don't know about that last one, but we'll see :0)

Peace yo.
chauie

Breaking Point

Last week I experienced one of my most worst weeks at work.
It was stressful and tiring.
So much so, I remember that on the Wednesday, I knew I had hit my breaking point of stress when I felt tears coming on.

You must understand something - my work never stresses me out.
In the two years I've worked there, everything has become quite simple once you learn all the tasks in the team.
Nothing is seen as a challenge and I find myself bored most of the time.

But last week, maybe it dawned on me that my (best) friend had left.
Maybe it was the fact that everyone else who held the same level of skills as I (or higher) had been smart and made the first move to leave the team.
And so maybe the realisation hit me when I discovered that all that responsibility had been put on my shoulders and I just didn't know how to handle it all.

It came all at once and honestly it was all a little bit too much.
Part of it scared me.
Part of it stressed me out.
Part of it loved that my manager recognised and acknowledged my ability to take on that responsibility.

The question is, can I do it?

(Needless to say, I treated myself and went away for the weekend interstate and although the stress went away for the weekend, I came back to work Monday morning and part of me felt that that stress was still there...)

x
chauie
'I've never faced so many emotional days', - I'm Feeling You, Santana ftg The Wreckers

Frustrated

For the longest time (even though it was really only a week or so) it seemed like I was frustrated with myself because I could not find myself getting back into writing anything.
After what happened with my Aunty, it seemed as though I had lost all my inspiration and the motivation altogther.

A friend of mine messaged me to see how I was doing last week on the train and it was only then that I realised when I answered him honestly that I realised I had not been able to write a personal piece. As you can see from my updates this past weekend, that is no longer true and I'm so glad.

Maybe I just needed a break from everything. A little time to myself.
It was wierd though coz like I was telling my workmate, I don't turn to alcohol when I'm stressed - only for social occasions. I don't smoke or do drugs. Writing was (still is) my creative outlet whenever I was stressed. The familiar and comfortable feeling of holding a pen and writing in my notebook would usually set me at an ease and it upset me that I couldn't do that last week.

I'm okay now but I just wanted to give a reason for my lack of posts last week.
I'm glad I'm able to write again and haven't lost my motivation entirely to one day live up to my dream..

Peace yo.
chauie

Saying Goodbye... and Saying Hello?

Friday night, I went out with a bunch of people from work for my best friend's (from work) farewell. Me and K.S started the exact same day just over two years ago. She's not only my colleague, but over the past 24 months, she's become one of my best friends and my confidante. Always there for me when I was having a bad day - whether it was work related or personal - and vice versa.

We had a professional friendship/relationship together but outside the office - outside the normal office hours of the 9-f day-to-day routine - we had an even greater friendship. Our morning coffees every morning is something I'll definitely miss. That was the time we would go upstairs together and although the morning break only lasted ten minutes, twenty max; in that space of time we managed to catch each other up on things happening in our lives, whether they were big or small.

Shout-out to K: I love you and I'll miss you... but we'll be emailing each other indefinitely. It'll just be hard not to see your smiling face everyday, sitting only a few metres away from me :)

~

So back to the Friday night, K decided to stay behind at our local pub with her boy, and so the rest of the tipsy individuals that are my workmates decided to kick on into the city. On a last minute whim, me and my girlfriend decided to join them too.

The AM's had an outing planned to go to Strike Bowling (at least I thought it was bowling) and they invited us girls to join them. We went along and arrived late to find them in a Karaoke Room instead belting out the likes of Aqua's 'Barbie Girl' and Jet's 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl?'... (true story and no comment haha)

I didn't join in on any of the singing but decided to kick it towards the back of the room, sipping my cocktail and laughing at those who were already drunk and acting rowdy. That's what MLC is all about sometimes, isn't it? Or should I say, all the time?

I always say that in order for you to work at our office, you gotta know how to knock back more than a drink or two :) It should be a requirement when managers check your resumes.. hehe

I should mention that I got a half-kiss from someone at Strike... half-kiss meaning half on the lips, half on the cheek. Don't know if it was intentional but I know he was rather inebriated. No names mentioned here... Sorry. :P

Next stop: Bungalow 8

By now, it was pouring rain but we walked it anyway, with only one small umbrella in hand and over our heads, down the Wharf to the club. I was the only one asked for ID, which is fine coz I was the youngest one there that night hehe and even the bouncer made a comment, saying to the others, 'Do me a favour guys, (pointed to me) and don't put baby in the corner'! haha

Got introduced to a few new people and found myself saying hello and conversing with a rather cute guy. His name started with J. I'll just give you a quick rundown of it - think of it as a combination of the following and not happening in this order either: conversation, smiles, lots of alcohol, tickling, grabbing of the waist, hugging, hand-holding, and heaps of flirting.

No digits exchanged but it was fun.
Coz I felt like all eyes were on me that night which is a nice - rare, but nice - feeling...
And I'm not just talking about the boy whose name starts with J... :P

I'm outtie.
Maybe more tonight.
Off to celebrate my nephew's 1st bday :)

Enjoy the long weekend!
I unfortunately have to work tomorrow.. yay... go me.. not.

x
chauie.
'The look on your face, Anyone can see, No-one does it like me' - Can't Nobody, Kelly Rowland

Can't Stop

I haven't seen you since that last time we laid eyes on one another
But still I can't get my mind to stop thinking about you
I just can't stop my brain to lead my thoughts to you
I don't know what it is
But right now, I don't entirely mind
That my thoughts seem to be consumed of those surrounding you
Maybe it was the expression you gave me
The way I read it
The way you intended for it to be read
By me (or was it meant for someone else?)
Who knows.

I find myself looking for you sometimes
I'm not going to say where
But know that there are times when I walk through certain places and hope that I see you
Run into you..

Apart of me gets disappointed when I don't but then again maybe I shouldn't wish so hard
When you don't even know my name...
Or do you?

x
chauie
'My heart is drenched in wine, But you'll be on my mind' - Don't Know Why, Norah Jones

Crave... and Think Pink!

Today is the 1st and locally, in Sydney, it marks the launch of a new food and art festival, Crave Sydney whereby their tagline reads, 'Curb your cravings with 31 days of food, outdoor fun and art'.


(picture credit: cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au)


Doesn't that just make you wanna leave your house and wander the streets of Sydney to see what exactly this month has to offer the locals and visitors / tourists? :)

I will do my best to get out there and discover a few things but with work and study on the brain, I can't promise anything...


October also marks the month of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Don't take any offence when reading this, but make sure, ladies and gents, that you all check your breasts. Think Pink yo!

Even though my Aunt had a different kind of cancer, it's made me more aware of the different causes out there and for anything to do with cancer, I've decided to donate and support.



(picture credit: www.babble.com)

So much so that I plan to grow my hair and chop it off for charity purposes during the month of March next year. It's for the charity that bares the name of what I think is called World's Greatest Shave. And well whilst, I won't be shaving my head, I don't mind cutting it fairly short.

What do you think? Good or Bad idea? :)

Will anyone be willing to support me and donate money if I go through with it?

x
chauie

Is The Day Over?

I wrote this last weekend but couldn't find the strength to finish it... so for those who regularly check my blog, if you notice the date of post, then you'll probably understand what I'm babbling on about... Today I found a spare few moments to work on it. I still feel that it's sort of unfinished in a sense but I'm going to leave it. Enjoy.

~
If I dont sleep tonight, does that mean the day is not yet over?
The funeral was yesterday
All of us dressed in black and white
I wanted to escape
I want to know what life on mars is like
Mod colours represented death for both nations
I tried not to cry too much
But I couldnt control my emotions
The tears flowed
And I went through two packets of tissues
Honestly it felt good to let all the emotions out
At least for the day
I'm sure there are still more tears inside me wanting to break free
More breakdowns, more screaming..
The eulogies read by her kids were beautifully spoken
Especially by her oldest son
There wasn't a dry eye in the room..

(I miss you and I'll always love you Aunty.)

x
chauie
I've been searching deep down in my soul. Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old, It feels like I'm starting all over again, - Goodbye To You, Michelle Branch

Next Time

Orignially written on Monday 21/09/2009... have finally found the time to post it today.

~

It's taking all of my willpower to not break down and cry right now.
Right now I'm on the train and I can already feel multiple pairs of eyes on me, wondering what I'm writing about. Why am I concentrating so intently?
The reality is, I'm not concentrating at all. I'm just letting the pen glide my hand across the page.

How could something like this happen so quickly?
It's scary.
I hadn't seen her long before we received the call...

My hands are shaking, in fact I think my whole body is. But that's normal right - to react this way from the reel of the shock that's happened?
My world feels like it's turned... turning and spiralling downhill.
My heart is slowly breaking and I haven't slept enough to be able to survive today.
To be able to make it a productive day at work so that no-one suspects a thing...

Wake me up from this dream - this nightmare.
I pinch myself but nothing happens.

This wasn't supposed to happen. She's still young.
I remember the moments and laughs we shared during the month I spent with her family and 20 other family members in Vietnam (Jan 07). She was my substitute mum for the entire month... It was a good feeling to have knowing that my mother's younger sister cared for me like that.

The news is spreading, as I write this, to all our famiy across the world.
This news is surely going to shatter everyone who were lucky enough to get a chance to know her.

The tears didn't stop last night and I feel them coming on again as I write with Kid Cudi blasting in my ears.

My only regret is something I told myself I would do 'next time' but this was the next time and now it's too late.
I let history repeat itself.
I let it repeat because I couldn't find the nerve to open my mouth and speak the words I needed to say.

If I write a letter to her and place it in her casket at the funeral, do you think she'll be able to read it? I'm so much better writing worrds rather than speaking them. Through a letter, I'll be able to write the words I wasn't able to speak. I'll be able to write to my heart's content.

For all I know now, the sky has fallen and I don't want to continue this life.
Why couldn't I have been the one to go instead?

x
chauie
'Their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression, no expression. Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow. No tomorrow, no tomorrow.' - Mad World, Gary Jules

[Oh] Is it?

Is it fucked up that I tend to go out with friends whenever I receive a piece of bad news about my family?

The thing is, I don't even tell my friends what's going on...

If they plan a night out, I jump at the chance, saying 'yes' with no hesitations, when really I should be saying 'no'...

The main reason being is coz I want to avoid the place I call home when I'm feeling like this.

I mean I love my family.. but I feel like my friends are my family too, more often than not.
They are the ones that understand me. Even when I sit there silently, they know that something as simple as a hug can take away some of the pain that I go through..

Is that fucked up?
Is that strange?
Is it?

Or maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm the one that's strange.
I know a lot of the time I feel fucked up and forgotten.

The thing is I can wear a disguise with my family - stick a smile on my face and just 'pretend' that everything is A-OK. Just fine.

In reality, most times, it's not.
These days, I feel like the care factor towards me is diminishing. The questions towards me are fading. But I guess it's just something I should be used to having been treated and likened to a shadow growing up.

Like at the last family event I attended about a little over a month ago, when I came out to join in with the surrounding chit chat, it felt like those whom were there were making conversation with me just to make conversation. Polite conversation. It was like they were talking just to fill the void of the silence. Awkward, maybe, but aren't we supposed to be family? There should be no such thing as awkward silences!

It's like I moved away and we don't have anything to talk about anymore? Shouldn't we be catching up on all the things we've missed out on doing together? Your questions are short and from now on, my answers will leave you with no desire to follow-up on it.

If you wonder why I don't stay longer at these events...well now you know.
Here's the truth - there, I've said it.
Now do you have anything to say?

So like I was saying with family, I can wear a mask of (fake) feelings, but with friends it's getting more difficult to do the same thing coz they know me too well now.
I still have my guards up sometimes but I like that they ask me how I am twice just to make sure that I really am okay.
Just goes to show that they do care and aren't just making polite conversation like others.

The only time when I feel like I can't turn to either friends or (if I had to) family, I usually stay in my room, door locked, stereo on loud and holding paper and a pen. And more often than not, I won't come out until I'm ready to.
Not until I'm ready to unlock my bedroom door...

My vent for the day,
chauie
'I've got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring outta me. I bring them to the light for you, it's only right' - Soundtrack 2 My Life, Kid Cudi

Last Night

Last night whilst you were getting ready for bed or already in bed, tucked under the covers, the phone rang at my house and the news spoken from sender to receiver sent my whole family reeling. We acted quick! Grabbing only our jackets and phones, we raced to the car and drove to the hospital.

It was 90 minutes after I had gotten home after seeing her last. How can things take a turn for the worse after 90 minutes? 10pm right on the dot is when the phone rang.

Walking into the room, everyone was in tears, as expected.
It was a sight beyond belief to be honest.
My mum walked over to the bed and broke down hugging the lifeless figure that lay on the bed.
Seeing my mum break down flicked a switch in me and that broke me too.

~

I broke down earlier this morning.
My boss told me to go home but I didn't want to go.
I needed a distraction.
I needed to do work as much as my mind was not up for it.
In my heart and my mind, I knew that if I were to leave this building, I would be going anywhere but Home.
One of my best friends from work lead me into a room and calmed me down, putting a smile on my face.
She's been through all this before when she lost her dad late last year.
She knows what I'm going through.
I'm glad she was here. I'm glad that she is here.

Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon: End of Day Review

I purchased Kid Cudi's Man On The Moon: End of Day on Friday night after work but I haven't had a chance to listen to the whole CD right through to the very end without any distractions. Today, however, was the perfect setting as I was in my car.

Picture this: What started out as a warm day, the storms have just stopped and the clouds are seeping through, I'm on my way to pick up my mum from work before we head to the hospital to visit my Aunt.

Listening to Kid Cudi's debut album, it set the perfect tone for the mood I was in and so now, I'm going to break down each track, giving you a review of his album and giving you a very personal insight as to how I felt as each track came on.

1. In My Dreams (Cudder Anthem): This song seems to set the first scene for Cudi's dream. It is like an interlude - a prelude - to set the listener up to what they're in for. Common's narration gives us the literal meaning of what is to come as the tone sets the mood:

'Some may never figure out their purpose in life and some will. There is a lot of us that are caught up in this hell that we all live in, content with being blinded by rules and judgement. We live in a world where it is more okay to follow than to lead. In this world, being a leader is trouble for the system we are all accustomed to. Being a leader in this day and age is being a threat...'

2. Soundtrack 2 My Life: There is so much honesty and sincerity in Cudi's voice in this song, especially during the second half of the song. The lyrics of the hook describes exactly how I feel most days - when you've got issues and demons growing inside you but you don't want anyone to know for fear of their reaction. Upon listening to this track, I felt tears coming on.. especially when I heard this one line: 'I am happy. That's just the saddest lie.' That line broke me.

3. Simple As... : With a hook that's fun and catchy, this song is actually one that is reflective of his current life, singing about what he should be twittering next (although now he has now deleted his Twitter account due to too many haters tweeting him shit) which is kind of a contradiction to what he sings here: 'I will live through a song, I'll be strong to the haters' .

Common's narration comes back in and introduces the nightmare stage of Cudi's continuing dream...

4. Mr. Solo Dolo (Nightmare): First time I heard this track, it was an unmastered version but even then it sent shivers down my spine... Hearing the mastered track driving in the car, the tone of the track set me into a dark mood as well. Cudi's voice is so eery on this track but the lyrics and mood set volumes for me. Definitely a standout track for me and one of my favourites. 'Why must I feel so wrong when I try and do right?... Why must it feel so right when I know that it's wrong?'

5. Heart of a Lion: The continuing of a nightmare, a Kid crying out for help. A Kid that needs saving. A Kid that speaks out the same way I've always wanted to. But this Kid imagines himself going (and meeting his haters in) Hell coz of all the shit that he has had to go through and the way he's been treated. That was me. Still is. This Kid however is listening to his mother's advice and 'at the end of the day [I'm] walking with the heart of a lion'.

6. My World: A song dedicated to those who didn't think he could make it. A song for the haters if you will. A song that made me think about all of those who followed the same path and saw me differently because I decided to break out of the usual stereotype and follow my own path... Especially in highschool, you get 'told' that you should continue the 'correct' path and continue on with your studies. I tried but dropped out and that's when the judgement on my life began. That was the point and those were the people that lead me to wear the disguise I still wear sometimes today. This track definitely had me thinking about that, almost leaving me angry, when I remembered I used to think that maybe they were right about me.
'As I grew to be a teen, I disguised myself. Had the lowest self-esteem.'

7. Day n Nite: Released over two years ago but still a big hit internationally today, it made sense for Cudi to weave this track into the album as his nightmare continues on although this track is a bit of a mix between feelings. A sad track if you really break down the lyrics: 'Madness to magnet keeps attracting me. I try to run but see I'm not that fast. I think I'm first but surely finish last (last).'

8. Sky Might Fall: Just as this track was starting, little droplets of rain came down on to my car window. The sun was disappearing slowly setting a very beautiful picture of the sun setting as I kept driving on. The message throughout this song and especially within the hook explains that even when things are all spiralling downhill, Cudi will not be giving up, giving us all a little bit of sense of hope that we should be doing the same - 'The sky might fall but I'm not worried at all'.

9. Enter Galactic (Love Connection Part I): A bit of a love song where we find Cudi singing, whispering and speaking his thoughts all throughout. 'If you can't do what you imagine, then what is imagination to you?' Common's narration comes back in setting us to the scene for which Cudi finds himself in his 'sanctuary'.

10. Alive: The sprinkling of rain has stopped by now and the dark clouds have rolled through. The night sky is turning black and I'm looking for the moon to make its way through especially as I listen to the lyrics of this track: 'Everytime the moon shines, I come alive'. That's me. I'm such a night owl. When the sky is dark and everyone is asleep, I come out of my shell and I start writing. I go to my happy place. I get into my zone...

11. Cudi Zone: The title says it all really. Cudi spits about all things positive. At least he puts a positive spin on all the bad things that has happened in the past. He's in his zone and that's when he feels at his best. 'When I'm zoned, I'm feeling alright, I'm feeling alright. I forget about it all.' That's how I feel when I'm in my zone. When I'm writing. I block out all the outside noise and distractions (even people) and I just do what I need to do - write.

12. Make Her Say: A fun but dirty song that pokes (no pun intended) fun at Lady Gaga's hit, 'Poker Face'. A track that started out as a random experimental freestyle between Cudi and "older brother" Kanye West, turned out to be a hit with fans alike and with Common added into the mix, it brings the listener into what Cudi deems as his fantasy. Is it wrong that I'm female but I like this dirty dirty song? LoL

13. Pursuit of Happiness: Ratatat's production on this track featuring new indie electro Aussie act MGMT, has the dream taking a turn back into a nightmarish stage as Cudi goes on a search for his pursuit of happiness. 'I'll be fine once I get it. I'll be good.' With an apparent influence of electro elements, somehow it seems to work with Cudi's representation of fresh hip hop elements.

14. Hyerr: This track introducers fellow Cleveland rapper, Chip the Ripper, whilst the two describe the feeling, the day, as they light up their blunts and smoke up and the dream like state they get into. Having never done anything like lighting up joints and smoking up, (despite my friends' pressure sometimes to do it) I can't exactly relate to this track but the combination of Cudi and Chip the Ripper together is something I've come to know and love especially with past tracks like 'T.G.I.F (Thank God I'm Fresh)' and 'Ask About Me'. For those who have never heard of Chip, I already knew that the two coming together for a track on this album would be a winning combination, so even though I don't know the feeling of getting high, I have nothing negative to say about this track. The more I listen to it, the more I like it.

15. Up, Up and Away: The final scene of this movie. The song that sets the credits rolling in as the movie comes to an end. 'I'll be up up up and away. They gon' judge me anyway so whatever'. I had picked up my mum by this stage and we were on the way to hospital. This track came on and my mum chose this moment to bring me down. My own mother is my worst judge. She chose that moment to remind me of my achievements, or lack of. It's like of all the things I've done in life, nothing has pleased her. Nothing has made her proud. ....She's gonna judge me anyway.. so whatever.

Common's voice comes back in to tell us that this movie has come to an end but to also give us the sense that the journey of the Man on the Moon has not yet reached his destination.

There's also a bonus track of the Crooker's remix of Day n Nite which still gets played in the clubs in present time. Went out a couple weeks and I got so excited when I heard it in the club. :0)

Kid Cudi has without a doubt become one of my favourite male artists. With his beats, his freestyles, his lyrics and the deeper meaning of the messages within those messages, sometimes I feel like he's stepped into my past and is spitting about the same shit that I went through. It's crazy to find an artist that is so true and sincere in his songs that it touches people and makes them relate in a way you never thought possible.

With this album, Cudi didn't disappoint. Although I had already half of the songs streamed online within the past year or so, they were the unmastered versions. To hear the final mastered and mixed versions of the songs on this album and seeing how they all flowed together to tell the story that Cudi wanted to tell just made it all for the better.

I'm glad I didn't download the leaked version of his debut and waited to purchase the CD. My friends downloaded it and gave me mixed reviews of what they thought. I'm glad I waited to listen to it on my own terms. I'm glad I didn't listen to it with their thoughts and judgement in my mind. I'm glad that I let the lyrics create their own interpretation and helped me relate to all the shit that Cudi must have gone through..

Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon: End of Day = 5/5

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By the way, we received a call a few hours ago that my Aunt didn't make it. 90 minutes after I had left the hospital and gotten home. 10pm is when we received the call. Ten minutes after she passed, the phone rang.

Don't think I'll be sleeping tonight but this review has helped me pass the time until morning comes and the sun is rising. Unfortunately for me I have to go into work tomorrow. I could call in sick but I think I'll do better with a distraction. In saying that though, I don't think I'll be strong enough to attend class or the alternative of the Girl's Night at the Movies... :(

I'm just going to lie here now and wait for the sun to rise and seep through my window blinds.

All cried out (at least for the night),

chauie