Is The Day Over?

I wrote this last weekend but couldn't find the strength to finish it... so for those who regularly check my blog, if you notice the date of post, then you'll probably understand what I'm babbling on about... Today I found a spare few moments to work on it. I still feel that it's sort of unfinished in a sense but I'm going to leave it. Enjoy.

~
If I dont sleep tonight, does that mean the day is not yet over?
The funeral was yesterday
All of us dressed in black and white
I wanted to escape
I want to know what life on mars is like
Mod colours represented death for both nations
I tried not to cry too much
But I couldnt control my emotions
The tears flowed
And I went through two packets of tissues
Honestly it felt good to let all the emotions out
At least for the day
I'm sure there are still more tears inside me wanting to break free
More breakdowns, more screaming..
The eulogies read by her kids were beautifully spoken
Especially by her oldest son
There wasn't a dry eye in the room..

(I miss you and I'll always love you Aunty.)

x
chauie
I've been searching deep down in my soul. Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old, It feels like I'm starting all over again, - Goodbye To You, Michelle Branch

Next Time

Orignially written on Monday 21/09/2009... have finally found the time to post it today.

~

It's taking all of my willpower to not break down and cry right now.
Right now I'm on the train and I can already feel multiple pairs of eyes on me, wondering what I'm writing about. Why am I concentrating so intently?
The reality is, I'm not concentrating at all. I'm just letting the pen glide my hand across the page.

How could something like this happen so quickly?
It's scary.
I hadn't seen her long before we received the call...

My hands are shaking, in fact I think my whole body is. But that's normal right - to react this way from the reel of the shock that's happened?
My world feels like it's turned... turning and spiralling downhill.
My heart is slowly breaking and I haven't slept enough to be able to survive today.
To be able to make it a productive day at work so that no-one suspects a thing...

Wake me up from this dream - this nightmare.
I pinch myself but nothing happens.

This wasn't supposed to happen. She's still young.
I remember the moments and laughs we shared during the month I spent with her family and 20 other family members in Vietnam (Jan 07). She was my substitute mum for the entire month... It was a good feeling to have knowing that my mother's younger sister cared for me like that.

The news is spreading, as I write this, to all our famiy across the world.
This news is surely going to shatter everyone who were lucky enough to get a chance to know her.

The tears didn't stop last night and I feel them coming on again as I write with Kid Cudi blasting in my ears.

My only regret is something I told myself I would do 'next time' but this was the next time and now it's too late.
I let history repeat itself.
I let it repeat because I couldn't find the nerve to open my mouth and speak the words I needed to say.

If I write a letter to her and place it in her casket at the funeral, do you think she'll be able to read it? I'm so much better writing worrds rather than speaking them. Through a letter, I'll be able to write the words I wasn't able to speak. I'll be able to write to my heart's content.

For all I know now, the sky has fallen and I don't want to continue this life.
Why couldn't I have been the one to go instead?

x
chauie
'Their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression, no expression. Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow. No tomorrow, no tomorrow.' - Mad World, Gary Jules

[Oh] Is it?

Is it fucked up that I tend to go out with friends whenever I receive a piece of bad news about my family?

The thing is, I don't even tell my friends what's going on...

If they plan a night out, I jump at the chance, saying 'yes' with no hesitations, when really I should be saying 'no'...

The main reason being is coz I want to avoid the place I call home when I'm feeling like this.

I mean I love my family.. but I feel like my friends are my family too, more often than not.
They are the ones that understand me. Even when I sit there silently, they know that something as simple as a hug can take away some of the pain that I go through..

Is that fucked up?
Is that strange?
Is it?

Or maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm the one that's strange.
I know a lot of the time I feel fucked up and forgotten.

The thing is I can wear a disguise with my family - stick a smile on my face and just 'pretend' that everything is A-OK. Just fine.

In reality, most times, it's not.
These days, I feel like the care factor towards me is diminishing. The questions towards me are fading. But I guess it's just something I should be used to having been treated and likened to a shadow growing up.

Like at the last family event I attended about a little over a month ago, when I came out to join in with the surrounding chit chat, it felt like those whom were there were making conversation with me just to make conversation. Polite conversation. It was like they were talking just to fill the void of the silence. Awkward, maybe, but aren't we supposed to be family? There should be no such thing as awkward silences!

It's like I moved away and we don't have anything to talk about anymore? Shouldn't we be catching up on all the things we've missed out on doing together? Your questions are short and from now on, my answers will leave you with no desire to follow-up on it.

If you wonder why I don't stay longer at these events...well now you know.
Here's the truth - there, I've said it.
Now do you have anything to say?

So like I was saying with family, I can wear a mask of (fake) feelings, but with friends it's getting more difficult to do the same thing coz they know me too well now.
I still have my guards up sometimes but I like that they ask me how I am twice just to make sure that I really am okay.
Just goes to show that they do care and aren't just making polite conversation like others.

The only time when I feel like I can't turn to either friends or (if I had to) family, I usually stay in my room, door locked, stereo on loud and holding paper and a pen. And more often than not, I won't come out until I'm ready to.
Not until I'm ready to unlock my bedroom door...

My vent for the day,
chauie
'I've got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring outta me. I bring them to the light for you, it's only right' - Soundtrack 2 My Life, Kid Cudi

Last Night

Last night whilst you were getting ready for bed or already in bed, tucked under the covers, the phone rang at my house and the news spoken from sender to receiver sent my whole family reeling. We acted quick! Grabbing only our jackets and phones, we raced to the car and drove to the hospital.

It was 90 minutes after I had gotten home after seeing her last. How can things take a turn for the worse after 90 minutes? 10pm right on the dot is when the phone rang.

Walking into the room, everyone was in tears, as expected.
It was a sight beyond belief to be honest.
My mum walked over to the bed and broke down hugging the lifeless figure that lay on the bed.
Seeing my mum break down flicked a switch in me and that broke me too.

~

I broke down earlier this morning.
My boss told me to go home but I didn't want to go.
I needed a distraction.
I needed to do work as much as my mind was not up for it.
In my heart and my mind, I knew that if I were to leave this building, I would be going anywhere but Home.
One of my best friends from work lead me into a room and calmed me down, putting a smile on my face.
She's been through all this before when she lost her dad late last year.
She knows what I'm going through.
I'm glad she was here. I'm glad that she is here.

Kid Cudi - Man On The Moon: End of Day Review

I purchased Kid Cudi's Man On The Moon: End of Day on Friday night after work but I haven't had a chance to listen to the whole CD right through to the very end without any distractions. Today, however, was the perfect setting as I was in my car.

Picture this: What started out as a warm day, the storms have just stopped and the clouds are seeping through, I'm on my way to pick up my mum from work before we head to the hospital to visit my Aunt.

Listening to Kid Cudi's debut album, it set the perfect tone for the mood I was in and so now, I'm going to break down each track, giving you a review of his album and giving you a very personal insight as to how I felt as each track came on.

1. In My Dreams (Cudder Anthem): This song seems to set the first scene for Cudi's dream. It is like an interlude - a prelude - to set the listener up to what they're in for. Common's narration gives us the literal meaning of what is to come as the tone sets the mood:

'Some may never figure out their purpose in life and some will. There is a lot of us that are caught up in this hell that we all live in, content with being blinded by rules and judgement. We live in a world where it is more okay to follow than to lead. In this world, being a leader is trouble for the system we are all accustomed to. Being a leader in this day and age is being a threat...'

2. Soundtrack 2 My Life: There is so much honesty and sincerity in Cudi's voice in this song, especially during the second half of the song. The lyrics of the hook describes exactly how I feel most days - when you've got issues and demons growing inside you but you don't want anyone to know for fear of their reaction. Upon listening to this track, I felt tears coming on.. especially when I heard this one line: 'I am happy. That's just the saddest lie.' That line broke me.

3. Simple As... : With a hook that's fun and catchy, this song is actually one that is reflective of his current life, singing about what he should be twittering next (although now he has now deleted his Twitter account due to too many haters tweeting him shit) which is kind of a contradiction to what he sings here: 'I will live through a song, I'll be strong to the haters' .

Common's narration comes back in and introduces the nightmare stage of Cudi's continuing dream...

4. Mr. Solo Dolo (Nightmare): First time I heard this track, it was an unmastered version but even then it sent shivers down my spine... Hearing the mastered track driving in the car, the tone of the track set me into a dark mood as well. Cudi's voice is so eery on this track but the lyrics and mood set volumes for me. Definitely a standout track for me and one of my favourites. 'Why must I feel so wrong when I try and do right?... Why must it feel so right when I know that it's wrong?'

5. Heart of a Lion: The continuing of a nightmare, a Kid crying out for help. A Kid that needs saving. A Kid that speaks out the same way I've always wanted to. But this Kid imagines himself going (and meeting his haters in) Hell coz of all the shit that he has had to go through and the way he's been treated. That was me. Still is. This Kid however is listening to his mother's advice and 'at the end of the day [I'm] walking with the heart of a lion'.

6. My World: A song dedicated to those who didn't think he could make it. A song for the haters if you will. A song that made me think about all of those who followed the same path and saw me differently because I decided to break out of the usual stereotype and follow my own path... Especially in highschool, you get 'told' that you should continue the 'correct' path and continue on with your studies. I tried but dropped out and that's when the judgement on my life began. That was the point and those were the people that lead me to wear the disguise I still wear sometimes today. This track definitely had me thinking about that, almost leaving me angry, when I remembered I used to think that maybe they were right about me.
'As I grew to be a teen, I disguised myself. Had the lowest self-esteem.'

7. Day n Nite: Released over two years ago but still a big hit internationally today, it made sense for Cudi to weave this track into the album as his nightmare continues on although this track is a bit of a mix between feelings. A sad track if you really break down the lyrics: 'Madness to magnet keeps attracting me. I try to run but see I'm not that fast. I think I'm first but surely finish last (last).'

8. Sky Might Fall: Just as this track was starting, little droplets of rain came down on to my car window. The sun was disappearing slowly setting a very beautiful picture of the sun setting as I kept driving on. The message throughout this song and especially within the hook explains that even when things are all spiralling downhill, Cudi will not be giving up, giving us all a little bit of sense of hope that we should be doing the same - 'The sky might fall but I'm not worried at all'.

9. Enter Galactic (Love Connection Part I): A bit of a love song where we find Cudi singing, whispering and speaking his thoughts all throughout. 'If you can't do what you imagine, then what is imagination to you?' Common's narration comes back in setting us to the scene for which Cudi finds himself in his 'sanctuary'.

10. Alive: The sprinkling of rain has stopped by now and the dark clouds have rolled through. The night sky is turning black and I'm looking for the moon to make its way through especially as I listen to the lyrics of this track: 'Everytime the moon shines, I come alive'. That's me. I'm such a night owl. When the sky is dark and everyone is asleep, I come out of my shell and I start writing. I go to my happy place. I get into my zone...

11. Cudi Zone: The title says it all really. Cudi spits about all things positive. At least he puts a positive spin on all the bad things that has happened in the past. He's in his zone and that's when he feels at his best. 'When I'm zoned, I'm feeling alright, I'm feeling alright. I forget about it all.' That's how I feel when I'm in my zone. When I'm writing. I block out all the outside noise and distractions (even people) and I just do what I need to do - write.

12. Make Her Say: A fun but dirty song that pokes (no pun intended) fun at Lady Gaga's hit, 'Poker Face'. A track that started out as a random experimental freestyle between Cudi and "older brother" Kanye West, turned out to be a hit with fans alike and with Common added into the mix, it brings the listener into what Cudi deems as his fantasy. Is it wrong that I'm female but I like this dirty dirty song? LoL

13. Pursuit of Happiness: Ratatat's production on this track featuring new indie electro Aussie act MGMT, has the dream taking a turn back into a nightmarish stage as Cudi goes on a search for his pursuit of happiness. 'I'll be fine once I get it. I'll be good.' With an apparent influence of electro elements, somehow it seems to work with Cudi's representation of fresh hip hop elements.

14. Hyerr: This track introducers fellow Cleveland rapper, Chip the Ripper, whilst the two describe the feeling, the day, as they light up their blunts and smoke up and the dream like state they get into. Having never done anything like lighting up joints and smoking up, (despite my friends' pressure sometimes to do it) I can't exactly relate to this track but the combination of Cudi and Chip the Ripper together is something I've come to know and love especially with past tracks like 'T.G.I.F (Thank God I'm Fresh)' and 'Ask About Me'. For those who have never heard of Chip, I already knew that the two coming together for a track on this album would be a winning combination, so even though I don't know the feeling of getting high, I have nothing negative to say about this track. The more I listen to it, the more I like it.

15. Up, Up and Away: The final scene of this movie. The song that sets the credits rolling in as the movie comes to an end. 'I'll be up up up and away. They gon' judge me anyway so whatever'. I had picked up my mum by this stage and we were on the way to hospital. This track came on and my mum chose this moment to bring me down. My own mother is my worst judge. She chose that moment to remind me of my achievements, or lack of. It's like of all the things I've done in life, nothing has pleased her. Nothing has made her proud. ....She's gonna judge me anyway.. so whatever.

Common's voice comes back in to tell us that this movie has come to an end but to also give us the sense that the journey of the Man on the Moon has not yet reached his destination.

There's also a bonus track of the Crooker's remix of Day n Nite which still gets played in the clubs in present time. Went out a couple weeks and I got so excited when I heard it in the club. :0)

Kid Cudi has without a doubt become one of my favourite male artists. With his beats, his freestyles, his lyrics and the deeper meaning of the messages within those messages, sometimes I feel like he's stepped into my past and is spitting about the same shit that I went through. It's crazy to find an artist that is so true and sincere in his songs that it touches people and makes them relate in a way you never thought possible.

With this album, Cudi didn't disappoint. Although I had already half of the songs streamed online within the past year or so, they were the unmastered versions. To hear the final mastered and mixed versions of the songs on this album and seeing how they all flowed together to tell the story that Cudi wanted to tell just made it all for the better.

I'm glad I didn't download the leaked version of his debut and waited to purchase the CD. My friends downloaded it and gave me mixed reviews of what they thought. I'm glad I waited to listen to it on my own terms. I'm glad I didn't listen to it with their thoughts and judgement in my mind. I'm glad that I let the lyrics create their own interpretation and helped me relate to all the shit that Cudi must have gone through..

Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon: End of Day = 5/5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the way, we received a call a few hours ago that my Aunt didn't make it. 90 minutes after I had left the hospital and gotten home. 10pm is when we received the call. Ten minutes after she passed, the phone rang.

Don't think I'll be sleeping tonight but this review has helped me pass the time until morning comes and the sun is rising. Unfortunately for me I have to go into work tomorrow. I could call in sick but I think I'll do better with a distraction. In saying that though, I don't think I'll be strong enough to attend class or the alternative of the Girl's Night at the Movies... :(

I'm just going to lie here now and wait for the sun to rise and seep through my window blinds.

All cried out (at least for the night),

chauie

Let's Make Some Music

Wanna make some cool beats and waste time all at once?

Check this out. :)

iNudge

Definitely fun and addictive once you get into it.

Best thing about it is that it's based on a harmonic scale, which means it's pretty hard to produce something that sounds really horrible!

Have fun,
chauie

NSW Police Campaign

I'm back after finding a fun sized Cherry Ripe... mmm...

So my mum told me about this the other night but I thought she was bullshitting me coz she read it in the Vietnamese newspaper and who is to say that the content in the Vietnamese newspaper is legitimate.

No offence to foreign papers but some of them - for those of which I can only read the headlines of - they're just articles about nothing. That's not to say that some Aussie publications aren't bad either. Sometimes I'll pick up an article and after reading it, think that they droned on and on, just to make the deadline coz there was space for one more 500-word piece. This may not help with my love of wanting to work for or within magazines but whatever.

Anyways, there's a reason why this post is called 'NSW Police Campaign' and that reason is that the NSW Police are raising awareness of the fact that too many individuals of the Generation Y are dying due to them being ignorant of the oncoming traffic, listening to their ipod whilst crossing the road / jaywalking.

Who would have thought?

To avoid it, they're imposing a fine if they catch you (apparently).

I admit, I do listen to my ipod when I go on walks just to block out the conversations around me but even though my ears are closed within the sounds of my choice of music, my eyes are still open and I always look right then left for oncoming traffic.

For those who don't, I guess you all need to turn down the volume on those ipods and look or at least use a pedestrian crossing.

Check out the promo posters for the campaign:

Be careful yo.
chauie

Mmm.. Chocolate and Skater Boys..

Check out the awesome new ad for

Nestle's Aero Chocolate

Hm... after watching that I feel like chocolate now.. and who doesn't love chocolate?

Some of you may not fancy the skater boy but the concept of the ad was pretty cool.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed it.

I'm off to find some chocolate - yummy!

x

chauie

My Dream...

At a 13itches meeting a couple of weeks ago, there was a spring of ideas that came out that we would ultimately like to see ourselves doing. And one of them got me really excited - it's actually one of the original ideas for starting the 13itches brand in the first place and also one of the reasons I wanted to take part and be apart of this brand! That said, I guess you're all wondering now what exactly this exciting idea is hmm?

Well it's nothing new and original but it's exciting to me because ultimately when I'm able to hit that stage of my life, I want to be able to work in this field. Basically the plan is for (in future) 13itches to bring out a magazine. Right now, the idea was to bring it out as an online magazine and that's perfectably understandable as the Internet (and technology itself) nowadays is taking over basically anything that we can hold in our hands physically.

The use of a pen and paper has been taken over by a keyboard and Microsoft Word. And whilst all that is fine with getting out words quicker than usual as they are typed out across the page, there's something I still love about taking out my notebook, holding a pen in my hand and letting the ink do all the talking and expressing my thoughts.

Many of you may not know this, but most of my posts are written down on paper and pen before I am able to get to a computer to transfer my thoughts here on this blog. :)

Anyways, my point of this post is that I ultimately want to be working in the world of magazines. Not for the styling of fashion shoots, not for the interviewing of celebrities, for being a photo whore or scoring freebies at exclusive events, but simply for the writing aspect of it. To see my name in print. To see the "By Line" at the end of an article.

I really hope that 13itches sees through this idea. Coz this is one idea I will fight for if there seems to be any thoughts of throwing this idea away..

Til then, I shall dream on... :)

Peace yo.
chauie
'Victory's within the mind. Almost there, don't give up now.' - Run This Town, Jay-Z ftg Rihanna & Kanye West

You Know What?

You know what sucks?

The feeling you get when you hear people talking about you when your back is turned.

My desk is five metres away from the two people whom think they're talking quietly but it's not a great feeling when you hear your name being whispered multiple times through the cracks...

To you both, I say a big Fuck You.

If you have a problem with me or the work that I do or how I do it, then talk to me quietly.
Drag me into a meeting room, sit me down and tell it to me straight.

Don't go back to all those high-school ways and whisper my name, acting like I don't exist.

The loud music I blast may fool you coz my hearing is actually better than you think.

From now on, I shall refer to you both as Bitch and Bastard.

Wanting to cry (but I rarely show my emotions at work),
chauie
'Oh, They want me to fall (fall). Fall from the top (top). They want me to drop (drop). They want me to stop (stop). They want me to go (go). I'm already gone (already)' - Already Home, Jay-Z ftg Kid Cudi

As Silence Washes Over Once Again..

Dinner last night was once again in silence.
Well at least for the first twenty mintues.
Then all of a sudden one of my brothers got heated up about the other whom was sent to Singapore for a few days for work.

His true feelings came out.
There was so much drama and honesty in the 20 minutes that he spoke (or rather yelled) that he left the table without finishing the contents of his bowl.

I know my brother gets easily heated when he argues - which is actually a characteristic that we both share - but it got so bad that when my dad tried to make light of the situation, he snapped at my dad and made him shut up too.

Never say I didn't warn you.

My family's not perfect and neither am I.

Nite,
chauie

'I think I'm just tired. I think I need a new town to leave this all behind...' - Boston, Augustana

Funny Conversation Between a Colleague and I

I never thought anyone was that stupid... :P
Now I've seen and read it all.

Adam : how do u pronounce geoff
Adam : is it same as jeff
Chau : yes lol
Chau : did you think it was G - OFF? lol
Adam : cool,, thanks
Adam : yeaaa,, how u know...?

I just had to save this conversation and post it somewhere so here you go :)

So tired..
chauie

Maybe Maybe Maybe

There are quite a few things I wish I could have said to you Friday night, but maybe it was because I was too shy to be the first one to approach you.

Maybe I didn't have enough Raspberry Wine at dinner, despite refusing more whenever I was asked for a top-up (not that that worked either!)

Maybe I was scared of the words that would be coming out of your mouth had I got up the courage to talk to you.

Maybe I'm just like everyone else but not scared of admitting that I'm afraid of rejection; despite the fact my friends often tell me [when this kinda thing happens] that maybe I'll never see [someone like] you again.

I went out that night trying to avoid someone and love altogether, coz let's face it - I don't exactly have a great track record with that part of my life.
But then I saw you and maybe someone was trying to tell me something.

Maybe it's too late to be thinking this way but I just can't seem to get your face out of my mind, or at least the expression that was on it.

Maybe it won't be too long before I see you again and on that day, I hope, that maybe you'll remember me and look at me the same way you did that night...

Peace.
chauie
'Think of it every second, I can't get nothing done. Only concern is the next time..' - Because of You, Ne-Yo

[Update on] The Last 12 Hours

So if you follow my blog regularly, I posted about an old friend whom drunk-texted me a couple months ago at about 2.30am. The feeling I felt the morning after was not one of love for the guy. But it wasn't exactly hate either. More of a feeling that was mixed with confusion and annoyance.

Anyhow, I just received an online message from him via MSN and the summary of the conversation was that he apologised, even adding that "my drunk dials usually are fun". Whatever he wants to think, I'll let him think it. For now, at least. At least he knew that he was drunk.. despite denying it in the messages.

So I forgave him. I don't know, however, if I truly forgive him.
I know I said it just to say it though but I guess, as they say, actions speak louder than words so guess we'll just wait for the day when Eric and I are face to face again - minus any alcohol.

Night yo,
chauie
'I look around and you just ain't the same to me' - Know Better, Elliot Yamin

Stop and Shut Up!

On the way to work this week, was on the train and listening to some inspiring and empowering songs - really listening to the lyrics - and randomly I started writing and came up with this little piece... well it's probably more appropriate to classify it as a rant:

You don't care how much it hurts and unfortunately you won't realise until it's too late - when I've given up and left your life.

Maybe I can't get rid of you physically because of the people we know and interact with on a weekly basis, but mentally you're fading from my thoughts.

Your constant words and actions confuse the shit out of me each time I see you - just stop with your mixed signals.

Just stop completely.

Stop and shut up!

I am no longer going to allow you or any other guy to treat me the way you did.

As my best friend told me last night, you don't deserve me.

Not my time.

Not my mind.

Not my heart.
You only wanted one thing when we met and I realised too late but I'm glad I didn't give in to what you wanted from me or that other girl.

I'm walking away from you now.

Take a picture and capture it coz I won't be walking towards you anymore.

I'm putting my guards up and this time you can't break them down.

Peace yo.
chauie
'You put on quite a show. Really had me going, but now it's time to go' - Take A Bow, Rihanna

Used and Abused?

It's 3.46am and I'm still awake after a random night out.
Was at the Acclaim Magazine Launch (as previously blogged about) and a blast from my past was there but a part of me didn't feel right due to my actions and his being misconstrued and therefore I think we just miscommunicated what really should have been said and done.
Forgive me if this does not make any sense.
It was funny though coz my friend kept mentioning that he was looking over at me a lot even though his other half was there, but of course that just made her tighten her grip on him.
Oh well.

All I did was wave but you turned away...

On the plus side... I saw a cute guy... but I'll blog about that later... maybe... hehe

After the event, which turned out to be quite successful, we randomly decided to head out. The plan was to 'go hard, go fast' but that didn't quite go to plan when we couldn't really decide where to go.

By the end of the night I was really quiet and maybe I was tipsy or drunk... but really I was just deep in my own thoughts. My friends were sitting around talking about travel plans, propaganda and the documentaries on September 11th but I kinda shut myself away from the conversation and kept quiet whilst trying to keep myself warm lost in my own reflections of what's been happening lately and here's what I realised:

It's been a week and I'm still annoyed with her.
With all the things I've been hearing... I don't know if I should believe everything but right now things that have been said are turning out to be true.
She's a user and an abuser of the things we have. Using, abusing and not giving anything back in return.
I really don't know how to act with someone around like that.
To be honest, as much as I love the girl [as one of my good friends], I don't need someone like her in my life.
Worst thing is, I don't think she realises the negative vibe she's creating on everyone around her..

Okay time for bed.
Night.
chauie

'How could you be so cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo' - Heartless, Kanye West

Blueprint 3

(picture credit: www.chicagonow.com)

Jay Z's album 'Blueprint 3' drops tomorrow in Australia and I'm gonna grab me a copy after work :)

I know the leaked version has been out for a week or so now but I want to walk into the store and spend my money on an album worth purchasing and from what I hear, this will be money well spent.

On first impressions, before even listening to the tracks, and just looking at the guest spots - critics and fans alike are saying there's way too many. But songs these days just don't seem to be great without a catchy hook by someone else.

With two hot singles out already, I'm excited to hear what else Jay has been mixing up on the "adult stage" of the Blueprint trilogy.

Peace yo.
chauie

Team Meeting

I was sitting in my team meeting today and I completely blanked out for the majority of the entire period of time.

It's wierd but it felt like I was on crack or high or something even though I don't do drugs but it just felt like I wasn't there.

My body was there but my mind was elsewhere... daydreaming and floating off into the clouds somewhere...

In that moment, I knew that I was in the wrong role.

I really shouldn't be here.
I really don't want to be here.

I have no interest in the work I do anymore.

It's been two years.
It's about damn time I moved on.

What else do I have going for me?

I gotta get outta here.
I gotta escape.

Peace.
chauie
'I've given so much in the past for a love I never had' - Through With Love, Destiny's Child

Funny Observation

It's funny that when the manager turns her back, everyone talks a mile a minute. None of it work related of course but as soon as the manager walks back into the building, even when it's only a small break from her own training, silence washes over each and every one of us.

It's all about power yo...

The Countdown Continues

So close yet so far... Seriously can't wait for this one. I'm hearing all good review. Can't wait to hold it and hear it with my own ears. None of this leaked bullshit



//Update: The date shown above is for the US release date. Australian release date is September 18! Go out and grab it!! A few extra days of patience...

Father's Day

Just wanted to wish my dad a Happy Father's Day although I know he'll never come across this blog but at least everyone else will know how I feel about him.

I love him. Simply put.
Despite all the shit that we've gone through, especially in the past year... my love for him will always sbe there. I try not to take the time we have together for granted. And I know when I ask for something and he says 'no', he's just doing what he thinks is best for me.
So I'm glad to have someone in my life who is still 'protective' of me no matter how much I complain about not having any freedom hehe

I wrote a piece about him on one of my old blogs (the site no longer exists -- sorry!).. appropriately titled 'Father'. It was a bit negative, but after writing it, things started getting better between us so I'm glad I got my thoughts out and wrote it at the time that I did.

And although he may not know it... when my parents get invited to a wedding and my mum can't make it, I'll volunteer to go with him because I want to. Getting dressed up is only the small part about it. I never know the couple getting married but I like just spending that daddy-daughter time with him. We joke around and talk about stuff that I would never usually talk to him about - even at home when the rest of the family is present. Kinda wierd but that's the way it's always been.

I've never been close to my family.
On the outside, it's all a facade.
Inside the house, there are so many layers that no-one knows about.

Give your dad a hug today and tell him you love him yo! :)

Peace.
chauie
'So fathers be good to your daughters, and daughters will love like you do' - Daughters, John Mayer

Acclaim Magazine Launch

The magazine of Melbourne's urban culture - Acclaim - will be launching its 17th issue at Fresh In in Darlinghurst this Friday night.

[Fresh In is located at: 17A Langley Street, Darlinghurst, NSW 2010]

If you're free on the night after work at about 6pm then come on down.

This is the event where I can finally say, 'come one come all', coz this is one event that you don't want to miss out on.

As a special treat, two of my mates from Uni - KC & Prince - will be spinning tracks on the night, as well as regular DJ for Fresh In events, Senyo.

For those who drink, there will be free alcohol, and for those who don't, there will be free Red Bull, so we all can get our buzz on and rage! :)

Check it out:

(picture credit: http://www.freshin.com/)

Peace out,
chauie

Cudi finally gets blogged about in Australia

Just when I was about to give up on Australia and their claim on discovering new talent and whatever else bullshit the media feeds us, 7 News has finally blogged about my fave artist-of-the-moment: Mr Kid Cudi!!

Check it out yo!

http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/entertainment/5914818/kid-cudi-follows-instinct-lands-on-moon/

(picture credit: www.kidcudi.com) ^ Cover for the debut album!! ^

I'm in a writing mood although I should really apply my writing mood to my assessment... Looks like an all-nighter is coming up. Anyhow, more to come today on the blog. :)

//Update: Kid Cudi's album got leaked online but I refuse to download any of it. I'm gonna continue counting down til September 15. It's only one more week. Have patience people!

x
chauie

Happy [Belated] Birthday Beyonce

I love Beyonce and yesterday was her birthday and on the tube there was nothing but specials on her so I was chained to the couch and watched her in awe for [almost] the entirety of the day.
My brother got me "Obsessed" - her new movie that was released about a month ago in the U.S and she surely does some butt-kicking in that!

Honestly, Beyonce can do no wrong.

(picture credit: blogs.bet.com)

I really wish I had tickets to her upcoming Aussie tour dammit. Oh well... I've seen her live thrice before and she kills it every time so those of you lucky enough to hold a ticket, you're in for one helluva show.

This is just a random post to show my love for the talented girl. :)

Back laters,
chauie

Collapse..

Received some news this morning from my dear mother before I walked out the door..

I walked out without really thinking anything of it.

It wasn't until later in the day when I snapped at my friend and workmate that it started to hit me.

The realisation caused my heart to collapse.

I was really quiet for the longest time and one workmate thought I was stressing out over a particular task I was working on... but in reality, because my back was turned to him, I was crying... silently.

When he left his desk, I left mine and went to the bathroom and cried some more.

I spent the majority of what was supposed to be my lunchtime in the bathroom crying..

I ended up going out for a walk for the remainder of time I had left for lunch with my ipod blaring Kid Cudi. His lyrics filled me with a sense of calmness and I definitely felt like I wasn't alone.

~

Anyways came home after working eleven hours and it turns out the news wasn't as bad as it was made out to be. Guess I should know by now that usually hearing news through the grapevine and chinese whispers, things often tend to get exaggerated, especially with my family.

In a way though, I'm glad I was able to cry and let out all the emotions I was feeling for those few minutes but now that I know she's okay, I can safely say that I'm okay too. :)

Night yo.
chauie
'I just wanna let it go for the night. That would be the best therapy for me.' - Memories, David Guetta ftg Kid Cudi

I Wonder...

"I watch it but I can't listen to it"

I wonder what you're watching... and why you're watching it.

On second thought, I don't want to know.

Random quote from someone in the office.

Bitch.

I get called a bitch every other day.

(In a serious tone too and not a joking/funny haha kind)

And it's said each time by someone you probably would/could never guess.

It is what it is.

And although he'll never know it, it hurts, but I can't say anything...


Out.
chauie
"Everyone talks, so give 'em something to talk about - the Truth." - Ofer Moses