Independent (I Gotta)

Guess I gotta go back to being the girl I've always been
Independent
(my own) Woman
Making my own decisions
Not giving a shit about what other people say
I may ask for advice
But at the end of the day, it's me making that decision
That choice
What will I be deciding next?

Gotta get into that mindset:
That 'it's your loss'
I just can't help but wonder
Would it be different
If you had been the one to approach me?

I noticed you watching me
And I kinda wish it was you that approached me
But I know there are things I gotta be cautious about
Things I have yet to physically see

You looked over at me
Yet I still can't figure you out
You've got me intrigued
Can't (seem to) figure out what you're all about


Night yo.
chauie
'Who would I want if I would wanna live. I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get. Ladies, it ain't easy being independent' - Independent Women, Destiny's Child

One Day

I wrote this piece a few weeks ago on the way home from class. I don't know why I didn't post it earlier... I supposed it's because certain things happened between then and now that had me switching my mind and deciding not to post it at all. But something interesting happened on Friday and so I went and looked for it and well... here it is. I guess it's true when people say that 'certain things happen when you least expect it'.

~

There are times when I see you
And I want to say Hi
But often you give me a look
That simply says Goodbye
A look that seems you're looking right through me
I know I've given off mixed vibes
But it's because of what you disclosed to he
Lately I've been dealing with personal shit
I kinda wish you knew...
Coz you were there when things first took its toll
I know now I can't trust many, only a few
A wise woman once told me,
'You should be able to count your true friends on one hand...'
You used to be there
But now you've slipped through like (tiny) grains of sand

You may not believe it
But I do hope we talk again one day
Until that moment,
I don't know what else I can say...

Peace yo.
chauie
'It's hard to say I miss you. Since you've been gone, it's not the same' - Hard To Say, The Used

Hoping

The bout of confidence I was looking for yesterday
Has seemed to disappear within 24 hours

I finished work early today and thought:
'Fuck it - I'm just gonna walk in there and see what happens'.

So I did but the wrong person approached me...
But I stayed conversing anyway...

Hoping
Hoping he would glance over and recognise my smile, my voice
Hoping something would trigger his memory from 'that' night

But I guess nothing did
Coz he didn't walk over

But then again, when the conversation was over,
I felt someone watching me...
... and when I looked up,
He looked away...

What now?

Curious,
chauie
'Cos I'm slipping away, like the sand to the tide. Flowing into your arms, falling into your eyes. If you get too near, I might disappear, I might lose my mind' - Too Lost In You, Sugababes

Why Can't I Be That Girl?

I wanna find that confidence within me that I had when I was in Melbourne.

I was mysterious

'The girl was in action'

A lot of times I wonder why I cant be that girl in Sydney.

Actually i know why...

I know the answer to my own question but it's stupid:

I'm scared.
Scared of rejection
Scared of conversation
Scared of those awkward silences
Scared of the fact that i know I'll clam up even when no words have been spoken

Anyhow,
Time to drag my sad self to bed now.

Night,
chauie
'Red letter day and I'm in a blue mood. Wishing that blue would just carry me away' - Many The Miles, Sara Bareilles

Where The Wild Things Are x Girl Skateboards

Hands up who can't wait for 'Where The Wild Things Are' to hit our screens?? :)

For those who don't know, Where The Wild Things Are is a 1963 children's picture book by American writer Maurice Sendak and was originally published by Harper & Row. The book has recently been adapted into a live-action feature film directed by Spike Jonze.

The film has already been released in the U.S [in mid-October] and won the weekend box office, taking in US$32.5 million. Many critics have noted that the adaptation of the popular's children book is rather dark and may be too scary for children, but older fans of the story will still love the story and concept of the movie.

Unfortunately the movie won't be hitting our Aussie screens until December 3rd and with the release of the movie, you can no doubt expect plenty of merchandise from shirts, hats, posters, the movie soundtrack (fronted by Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and her friends), toys, games and plenty of accessories we probably won't need but will still want.

Until we are able to physically watch 'Where The Wild Things Are' at the movies, Girl Skateboards has gained inspiration from the movie and have designed these dope skateboard decks. So for anyone who likes to jump on a skateboard and land some tricks or travel their way into the distance, why not grab yourself one of these?

Damn, it makes me want to learn how to skate!

Photos courtesy of Lifelounge

Peace yo,

chauie

Good Vibrations 2010

This is a late post but my favourite artist of the moment (and you all should know who that is) KID CUDI is playing at The Good Vibrations Festival in February 2010!!


Photo courtesy of Blastro

LINE UP ANNOUNCED!
Jam Music is extremely excited to announce our amazing line up for Good Vibrations Festival 2010!

THE KILLERS

BASEMENT JAXX

ARMAND VAN HELDEN

GOSSIP

BUSTA RHYMES

FRIENDLY FIRES

SALT-N-PEPA

Z-TRIP

KID CUDI

NAUGHTY BY NATURE

PLUMP DJS

GYM CLASS HEROES

CHASE & STATUS LIVE

DAVE SEAMAN

CRAZE

CHUCKIE

ART VS SCIENCE

BASS KLEPH

SAM OBERNIK

KILLAQUEENZ

Hosted By SLIMKID3

TICKETS ON SALE 9AM FRIDAY 30TH OCTOBER!
Make sure to set your alarm clocks as tickets will be on sale from 9am next Friday, 30th October!
Be the first to grab your tickets to THE Summer festival of 2010 at http://www.gvf.com.au/ !!

Cudi will be playing the Sydney show on Feb 13 but I am tossing up whether I should watch him play a 20-30min set at this festival or should I wait for announcement of his sideshows and go watch him play all his hit music, and I'm not just talking about music from his debut album.

Although I wouldn't mind going to both... :)

Decisions, decisions.

If anyone hears of his sideshows before I do, please please please hit me up on the comments and let me know!!

Check out his freestyles yo!!

Best news ever,
chauie

Breakdown

I just had the most intense, emotional and honest conversation with a friend which later lead me confessing things to another friend.

It must of been something in the air coz I let my guard down and I relived my past.

I was in tears all throughout...

It wasn't the best feeling but afterwards I felt good.

At one point, my brother came into the room and asked me why I was crying and I had to lie and say that my friend just told me some sad news when really it was me telling my friends some sad stuff.

When he left the room, I broke down.

An hour ago I was an emotional mess.

But now, I'm glad I finally told more than one person in my circle of friends.

The question is, Can I breathe now?


Night,
chauie
'..In reality I'm slowly losing my mind, Underneath the guise of smile. Gradually I'm dying inside. Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly, Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering' - Breakdown, Mariah Carey ftg Bone Thugz & Harmony

Music of Twilight: New Moon

Okay so maybe I'm one of two people left on this planet who haven't yet jumped onto the Twilight saga bandwagon but I just don't see what's so special about it. My workmate lent me the first book a couple of months ago and I told her I wasn't going to read it. Needless to say, that same book is still sitting on my desk collecting dust. Sorry.

And I really don't think the lead characters are hot - you're joking right? I know it's the characters they play that everyone is in love with but still.

Anyways I'm not here to diss the movie/book/teen love story/whatever, I'm actually here to applaud the people who chose the music for the soundtrack of the second installment of the series: New Moon.

Have you guys checked out the track-listing? It's fantastic!

For those who can't see it above - I've rewritten it below for you :)

1. Death Cab for Cutie - Meet Me On the Equinox

2. Band of Skulls - Friends

3. Thom Yorke - Hearing Damage

4. Lykke Li - Possibility

5. The Killers - A White Demon Love Song

6. Anya Marina - Satellite Heart

7. Muse - I Belong To You (New Moon Remix)

8. Bon Iver & St. Vincent - Rosyln

9. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Done All Wrong

10. Hurrican Bells - Monsters

11. Sea Wolf - The Violet Hour

12. OK Go - Shooting the Moon

13. Grizzly Bear (with Victor Legrand) - Slow Life

14. Editors - No Sound But the Wind

15. Alexandre Desplat - New Moon (The Meadow)

Bonus iTunes track:

16. Lupe Fiasco - Solar Midnite

Actually makes me want to go out and buy the record or download it, even though I have no interest in the story / concept of what these songs are supposedly relating to.

Check it out!

Pictures courtesy of Reel Movie News and Twilight-Review.com

Happy listening,

chauie

Little People Project

I just did a post for my 13itches familia and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, so I thought I'd post it here too - check it!

~

Imagine randomly walking through the streets of London and (if you’ve got great vision) stumbling upon ‘little hand-painted people, left in London to fend for themselves’.

UK artist Slinkachu started his Little People Project a few years ago, back in 2006, by taking miniature train set characters, remodelling and painting them, and then leaving them around the city with the ordinary problems and situations we’re faced with to fend for themselves.

"The scenes I set up, more evident through the photography, and the titles I give these scenes aim to reflect the loneliness and melancholy of living in a big city, almost being lost and overwhelmed. But underneath this, there is always some humour. I want people to be able to empathise with the tiny people in my works."

Slinkachu really captures the feel of life, like for example with the three images above, through contemplation, romance and disaster. The urban art installations are so small they tend to blend in with the surrounding street and sidewalk debris, so next time you’re walking through the streets of London, be sure to watch your step!

Check out my favourite below, aptly titled ‘Life As We Know It’:

This is an artist whose blog I regularly check back on to see what other ordinary situations he’s placed these “little people” into and you can do the same at http://little-people.blogspot.com/ .

Photos courtesy of Little People.

Enjoy yo!

chauie

To Forgive... Or Not?

I was chatting with a good mate of mine online last week and he told me that even though it's only been a couple months, he felt the need to contact his ex and send her a text message to see how she was going.

For me, that was the first sign that this was not going to go anywhere positive.

It was a sign that even though I did not think she deserved it, in a sense, it felt like he wanted to.
After all the feelings and emotions he went through because of the break-up, a part of him still wanted to forgive her.

He also told me that he sensed the feeling that she missed me - as a friend and as one of the girls she could turn to. He asked me to initiate the contact with her and I told him that I wasn't sure if I could but that I'd think about it.

Not wanting to drag this conversation out any further, for fear of where it might lead and what things might have come out of our thoughts if we continued, I said goodnight and logged off.

The next morning and for a few days after that conversation, I kept thinking about my conversation with him and each time, I came back with the same conclusion / question. A question that I want to say to him but I don't know if I can... that question being:

'How can you forgive someone who treated you like shit?'

This question just doesn't apply to him and the way he treated her but to all relationships and friendships. Do people really deserve a second chance if they did you wrong?

I applied it to a friendship I had that was recently "broken" [with a girl at work] and for me, I just don't think I could do it. Forgive them, I mean.

Needless to say, at this point, I don't think I'll be picking up the phone to send a text message - to either girl.

Peace,
chauie
'And when you say it doesn't matter, well it does. And all it takes is a mistake to eat your words', - Second Chances, Michelle Branch

Future Plans

So during my stressful week last week, I organised to have some downtime with one of the best males in my life - Jussy - with some gossip, bitching, catch-up and making future plans. We generally meet up once a month, but with both of us leading hectic schedules nowadays, this was the first night in about 3-4 months we had seen each other and really got to do one of our "talks".

Usually the majority of our catch-ups involve talking about our crazy rendezvous with the random boys popping up in our lives and indeed there were stories to tell that night! ;) Unfortunately our dinner didn't last very long and we had to rush through dessert as I had another commitment to be at after dinner but we did get to talking about something that has got me quite excited: travel plans!


After being hit with the travelling bug after my big trip to Japan with friends earlier on in the year, I've decided to make one big trip each year - that way, I can gather enough leave at work to actually go without having to lose my job over it (as much as I do complain about being there!) and I am able to give myself enough time to save up enough dosh to travel for as long as I want.

Anyways we got to talking and the next trip on the cards is to pop on over to the States - most likely East Coast. I really wanna go to New York and he really wants to go La La Land and we both want to go to Miami. I cannot wait!

We also made plans and a promise to each other that before we're 30, we will travel around the world together. The plan is that no matter where we are or what we're doing, if we haven't gone by the time he turns 30 [April bday], we will plan our trip to go asap before I hit 30 [December bday].

There was also a plan interlinked with that trip that if we were in relationships, we would leave our partners behind for a few months and go on this trip and if we were in jobs, we would quit and come back starting completely over.

Don't know about that last one, but we'll see :0)

Peace yo.
chauie

Breaking Point

Last week I experienced one of my most worst weeks at work.
It was stressful and tiring.
So much so, I remember that on the Wednesday, I knew I had hit my breaking point of stress when I felt tears coming on.

You must understand something - my work never stresses me out.
In the two years I've worked there, everything has become quite simple once you learn all the tasks in the team.
Nothing is seen as a challenge and I find myself bored most of the time.

But last week, maybe it dawned on me that my (best) friend had left.
Maybe it was the fact that everyone else who held the same level of skills as I (or higher) had been smart and made the first move to leave the team.
And so maybe the realisation hit me when I discovered that all that responsibility had been put on my shoulders and I just didn't know how to handle it all.

It came all at once and honestly it was all a little bit too much.
Part of it scared me.
Part of it stressed me out.
Part of it loved that my manager recognised and acknowledged my ability to take on that responsibility.

The question is, can I do it?

(Needless to say, I treated myself and went away for the weekend interstate and although the stress went away for the weekend, I came back to work Monday morning and part of me felt that that stress was still there...)

x
chauie
'I've never faced so many emotional days', - I'm Feeling You, Santana ftg The Wreckers

Frustrated

For the longest time (even though it was really only a week or so) it seemed like I was frustrated with myself because I could not find myself getting back into writing anything.
After what happened with my Aunty, it seemed as though I had lost all my inspiration and the motivation altogther.

A friend of mine messaged me to see how I was doing last week on the train and it was only then that I realised when I answered him honestly that I realised I had not been able to write a personal piece. As you can see from my updates this past weekend, that is no longer true and I'm so glad.

Maybe I just needed a break from everything. A little time to myself.
It was wierd though coz like I was telling my workmate, I don't turn to alcohol when I'm stressed - only for social occasions. I don't smoke or do drugs. Writing was (still is) my creative outlet whenever I was stressed. The familiar and comfortable feeling of holding a pen and writing in my notebook would usually set me at an ease and it upset me that I couldn't do that last week.

I'm okay now but I just wanted to give a reason for my lack of posts last week.
I'm glad I'm able to write again and haven't lost my motivation entirely to one day live up to my dream..

Peace yo.
chauie

Saying Goodbye... and Saying Hello?

Friday night, I went out with a bunch of people from work for my best friend's (from work) farewell. Me and K.S started the exact same day just over two years ago. She's not only my colleague, but over the past 24 months, she's become one of my best friends and my confidante. Always there for me when I was having a bad day - whether it was work related or personal - and vice versa.

We had a professional friendship/relationship together but outside the office - outside the normal office hours of the 9-f day-to-day routine - we had an even greater friendship. Our morning coffees every morning is something I'll definitely miss. That was the time we would go upstairs together and although the morning break only lasted ten minutes, twenty max; in that space of time we managed to catch each other up on things happening in our lives, whether they were big or small.

Shout-out to K: I love you and I'll miss you... but we'll be emailing each other indefinitely. It'll just be hard not to see your smiling face everyday, sitting only a few metres away from me :)

~

So back to the Friday night, K decided to stay behind at our local pub with her boy, and so the rest of the tipsy individuals that are my workmates decided to kick on into the city. On a last minute whim, me and my girlfriend decided to join them too.

The AM's had an outing planned to go to Strike Bowling (at least I thought it was bowling) and they invited us girls to join them. We went along and arrived late to find them in a Karaoke Room instead belting out the likes of Aqua's 'Barbie Girl' and Jet's 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl?'... (true story and no comment haha)

I didn't join in on any of the singing but decided to kick it towards the back of the room, sipping my cocktail and laughing at those who were already drunk and acting rowdy. That's what MLC is all about sometimes, isn't it? Or should I say, all the time?

I always say that in order for you to work at our office, you gotta know how to knock back more than a drink or two :) It should be a requirement when managers check your resumes.. hehe

I should mention that I got a half-kiss from someone at Strike... half-kiss meaning half on the lips, half on the cheek. Don't know if it was intentional but I know he was rather inebriated. No names mentioned here... Sorry. :P

Next stop: Bungalow 8

By now, it was pouring rain but we walked it anyway, with only one small umbrella in hand and over our heads, down the Wharf to the club. I was the only one asked for ID, which is fine coz I was the youngest one there that night hehe and even the bouncer made a comment, saying to the others, 'Do me a favour guys, (pointed to me) and don't put baby in the corner'! haha

Got introduced to a few new people and found myself saying hello and conversing with a rather cute guy. His name started with J. I'll just give you a quick rundown of it - think of it as a combination of the following and not happening in this order either: conversation, smiles, lots of alcohol, tickling, grabbing of the waist, hugging, hand-holding, and heaps of flirting.

No digits exchanged but it was fun.
Coz I felt like all eyes were on me that night which is a nice - rare, but nice - feeling...
And I'm not just talking about the boy whose name starts with J... :P

I'm outtie.
Maybe more tonight.
Off to celebrate my nephew's 1st bday :)

Enjoy the long weekend!
I unfortunately have to work tomorrow.. yay... go me.. not.

x
chauie.
'The look on your face, Anyone can see, No-one does it like me' - Can't Nobody, Kelly Rowland

Can't Stop

I haven't seen you since that last time we laid eyes on one another
But still I can't get my mind to stop thinking about you
I just can't stop my brain to lead my thoughts to you
I don't know what it is
But right now, I don't entirely mind
That my thoughts seem to be consumed of those surrounding you
Maybe it was the expression you gave me
The way I read it
The way you intended for it to be read
By me (or was it meant for someone else?)
Who knows.

I find myself looking for you sometimes
I'm not going to say where
But know that there are times when I walk through certain places and hope that I see you
Run into you..

Apart of me gets disappointed when I don't but then again maybe I shouldn't wish so hard
When you don't even know my name...
Or do you?

x
chauie
'My heart is drenched in wine, But you'll be on my mind' - Don't Know Why, Norah Jones

Crave... and Think Pink!

Today is the 1st and locally, in Sydney, it marks the launch of a new food and art festival, Crave Sydney whereby their tagline reads, 'Curb your cravings with 31 days of food, outdoor fun and art'.


(picture credit: cityofsydney.nsw.gov.au)


Doesn't that just make you wanna leave your house and wander the streets of Sydney to see what exactly this month has to offer the locals and visitors / tourists? :)

I will do my best to get out there and discover a few things but with work and study on the brain, I can't promise anything...


October also marks the month of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Don't take any offence when reading this, but make sure, ladies and gents, that you all check your breasts. Think Pink yo!

Even though my Aunt had a different kind of cancer, it's made me more aware of the different causes out there and for anything to do with cancer, I've decided to donate and support.



(picture credit: www.babble.com)

So much so that I plan to grow my hair and chop it off for charity purposes during the month of March next year. It's for the charity that bares the name of what I think is called World's Greatest Shave. And well whilst, I won't be shaving my head, I don't mind cutting it fairly short.

What do you think? Good or Bad idea? :)

Will anyone be willing to support me and donate money if I go through with it?

x
chauie