Content in Melbourne.

So I've been back from Melbourne for a few days now but I've just been avoiding writing altogether for some reason. I can't seem to get into it. It's most likely writer's block. Anyhow, this piece was written on the place during the flight from Sydney to Melbourne and I started to type it in my blackberry (hence the date) but then I wrote way more than I anticipated and reverted back to my good ol' notebook.

Here we go.. (I don't know what brought upon this mood either)

There are times in life when you want someone around you. Someone to be with you. Hold you. Love you. Respect you. But most importantly, accept you for who you are. Accept the things you've done in the past and be glad that it's made you the person you are today.

Other times in life, you just want to be alone. To be left alone. Not consult anyone for advice. To be independent. And just going for it.

Kind of like the way I feel right now.

As I sit on this plane by myself, I feel content. I'm happy with the way things have turned out for me thus far. Some things I'd like to forget, but for the most part, life is good. To be happy is the most important thing in life, isn't it? Moreso than money and love? (I know many people would argue with me on that, but each to their own. These are my opinions, remember?)

For those in my life who see me regularly, you'd know that there isn't a day that passes where I'm not smiling. And it's crazy to think that people have asked me time and time again, 'Why are you so happy?'.

What they don't know is, sometimes, those smiles are masking certain feelings. Hiding certain emotions. But I do my best not to let it show - at least not to those around me who know me as the girl who loves to write and is always smiling hehe

I admit, I do tend to not disclose the information that has me feeling the opposite of happy. I've learnt a lot about myself during the past couple of years, like when I'm happy, I'm easily persuaded to let others know the reason behind my smile... just to share the positive vibe around.

When I feel that first cut, however, I tend to be a little quieter throughout the day, waiting for the moment when I'm in my room. Alone. Then depending on how much it hurts, I'll either hide under the covers and try to forget, or I'll turn on my laptop, let the feelings brew and start writing. And I usually won't stop until I've let it all out.

Few people pick up on my mood (when this happens) but most don't and that's okay.

Right now though, I'm not feeling like that at all. I'm feeling content, excited, nervous, curious and I'm patiently waiting for a certain someone to answer me back.

I'm on the plane on the way to Melbourne, but as much as most people in my life think it's just another holiday, it's moreso a trip for me to meet the team of people I've recently started working with. I'm part excited, part nervous about it - only because I want to make a good impression. Coz well, the first impression counts doesn't it? Hopefully all will be okay...

As for that certain someone? That particular individual is back in Sydney and has no idea that I'm on my way to Melbourne (unless they decide to stalk my Facebook!). But if they are ready to give me an answer, I guess I'll have to wait til I'm back in Sydney to hear what they have to say.

Til then, I'm ready for whatever Melbourne has to offer me.

I'm out.
Peace yo.
chauie

M.I.A

Hello Hello

Just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be M.I.A (missing in action) for the next few days as I'm off to Melbourne later today for an Acclaim event - soo excited!!

So therefore that means I most likely will not be posting anything. I'll probably still be writing a few pieces here and there but I generally will not be able to post.

In the meantime, check out my review (below) of the Lupe Fiasco gig this past Sunday at Sydney's own Enmore Theatre at my second family's website: http://www.thirteenitches.com.au/ or to click straight on to the review: http://www.thirteenitches.com.au/blog/?p=1764

Peace out yo.

Take care.

x

Scarily True

My horoscope for today is scarily true in terms of my current mood:

"What in the world is going on? On the one hand, you have thoughts that are rather humanistic and harmonious about both your family and your career. But on the other hand, you also have a deep desire to destroy everything in order to start fresh!"

This morning I felt confident. More than I have about myself in a while.
It's wierd coz I had less than 5 hours of sleep, bad coffee and a boring brekky and yet, that didn't deter my mood.

Maybe I'm still on a high from the Lupe Fiasco concert last night...
(Hopefully will get to do a review on that early on this week)

Yesterday I went to the temple again to pray for all the bad things /luck/spirits to be gone and not have them affect me (and my family) this year and I came to the conclusion that this year is the year for my career to take off. Scary that today's horoscope thinks so too..

And I'm talking about my dream career of writing... my current career role, on the other hand might be relevant to the flipside of the abovementioned horoscope.

I do have a desire to rid myself of this life. Everything that comes with it.
Except my writing - it's the only thing that keeps me sane.
Recently, I've had a strong desire to quit. Not just my current role but some people in my life.
Sometimes I don't know why I still engage in conversation with them.

Guess it's still a question that is left to be unanswered.. and will be unanswered for a little while methinks.

Til then, I'm hoping my mini escape to Melbourne will help this week.

Peace out yo.

Update: Balance

I've had a really good 24 hours.

I planned to do nothing this weekend, but last night, I went over to a mate's place and watched him and one of my best mates make beats and experiment with their DJ equipment. It was pretty crazy to watch and listen to whilst I was lost in my own thoughts.

I've been a little paranoid with one of my mates thinking he was pissed at me but last night we hung out / chilled / vibed and talked and it was just like old times.

It was something that I was definitely missing.

After last night, I feel like my life has reached somewhat of a balance.

Before last night, I had hardly seen any of my friends face-to-face for almost a month coz of all the craziness that had been happening - re: work, friends, writing, planning, family. But last night, it was good to see my best mate and not have any animosity or tension between us.

Anyways I've got a busy week ahead of me: concerts, class, work and my mini holiday to Melbourne! Can't wait!

- Going to check out Lupe Fiasco tonight at the Enmore and Jimmy Eat World tuesday night. Don't know if I'll do any reviews on either gigs but we'll see what happens.
- Class and work is part of my normal schedule although I'll want to speed through those hours hehe
- Thursday I jump on a plane to head down to Melbourne for a trip that will be both business and pleasure :)

Oh by the way, finally saw (one of my favourite artists) Kid Cudi live and whilst it probably wasn't the best time of my life, I'm still happy I got to experience it! Hopefully he'll come back soon and do some shows. Fingers crossed in the meantime.

As for that guy whom has recently entered in my life and could be a potential? Things are going alright for the moment and whilst I haven't told many people about it... I'm okay with things for now. At the moment, if things don't work out... I think I'll be okay. Key word: think haha

Anyways I'm outta here.
Gotta get ready and stuff.
Peace and love yo.
x
chauie

Chinese New Year: Year of the Tiger

February 14 may have been Valentine's Day for a lot of you, but for me, it marked the date of the beginning of Chinese New Year.

Not like I have a significant other, so I was completely fine with the fact that the day clashed with the Hallmark holiday. Some people in my family were less than pleased... lol

So I've decided as my (Chinese) new year's resolution to rid myself of the old and welcome the new. Now this shall/could be applied to every aspect of my life: friends, work, love.. and especially old habits.

I've decided that it's time for me to let go of the past and embrace the future. I really hope I can do it.

Plus, this year celebrated the Year of the Tiger (which I am), so I really hope 2010 is the year for me.

My mum read my Chinese horoscope for me for the next 12 months and whilst there are some good points there, there's also some sour months. The good points are directed towards my career and work but I want 2010 to bring luck to me in other elements.

Either way, the Chinese horoscope is usually on point every year for me and my family so I hope those good things do happen...

Til then, guess I just gotta take it one day at a time.
Peace yo.
chauie

The Result of Too Much Wine

So sometime last month, I was catching up with an old friend over too many glasses of wine at the hotel she was staying at and we were talking about everything from our careers to family, friends and of course the opposite sex. For some reason, that topic always gets saved for last hehe ;)

The weekend after she left and went back to her interstate home, she emailed me and confessed that at one point of the night, I had left the room to take a call or gone to the bathroom or something and so she decided to have some fun and so jumped on my Facebook and, well for those of you who have a Facebook account, you'd know that often Facebook suggests which people you should befriend because you have "mutual friends"... (How convenient that she decided to confess after she left Sydney!)

Well she added a whole bunch of random boys that she thought was cute coz she, like everyone else in my life, thinks i've been single long enough. As if Facebook is the perfect way to start LOL

Anyways... she didnt know who she added or how I could get rid of the requests... but after I got angry at her, I googled it and I sent out a mass message to all these "pending friend requests" kinda telling them about my friend, how she was under the influence and that they could ignore the request, but if they wanted to add me, then that that was fine and that I'm not a crazy lunatic hehe

So one guy added me and I randomly sent him a Facebook msg saying thanks and asked a simple question - breaking the ice so to speak - coz let's face it, I was feeling bad for not making an effort to get to know him. I didn't expect a reply back but surprisingly when I logged on today, he had replied and needless to say, a small smile appeared on my face.

Also wanna give a quick shoutout to two good friends on their engagement! Keeping my lips sealed on their names as they haven't announced it yet hehe :0)

x
chauie

The Friend Zone

She likes you
And I'm not talking about me
But even if I were to tell you
You'd think I was crazy
It's pretty obvious
By the words that she speaks
I'm sure she wants more
When she kisses your cheeks
It doesn't seem like you're doing much
When you're working together
But I'm sure you talk about lots of things
Other than the weather
I've seen the photos
I've seen the look on her face
I bet she was wishing
She was in your embrace
But you're so clueless
And she can't tell you a thing
Coz she's scared of your reaction
And doesn't wanna end up as a fling

I kinda lied earlier when I said it wasn't me
But only when I meant she's not alone, she's not the only one
And now I'm scared
To let my feelings become undone
I've had my eye on you for awhile now
But you never would have known
Coz I analyse my moves too much
For fear I'll end up in the friend zone
I haven't seen you since that last time
And I hate the feeling of not being aware
Do you like me or do you not?
To ask this question, I do not dare
Coz I am scared
Of what may become
I'll be biting my nails
Waiting for the outcome
Coz what if your answer is my worst nightmare
What will happen then?
I guess all I really wanna know is
When will be the next time that I'll see you again?
Coz it's been way too long
Since the last time we locked eyes
I wish I had answered you back
That night when you said hi
But I walked away for a second
Hoping you'd still be there when I got back
But you weren't in the place where you once were sitting
And I was left in a room that was almost pitch black

I was inspired to write in this format after watching too many Def Jam Poetry clips online - anyways I hope you like it. Sorry for the length - I was in my element :)
Peace yo!
chauie
'From the day I saw you, I really really want to catch your eye. There's something special 'bout you. I must really like you, Cause not a lotta guys are worth my time' - You Don't Know My Name, Alicia Keys

Notebook

My friends know how much I wanna be a writer.
They know how much I love to write.

So much so, that for my 23rd birthday, they bought me a hard cover notebook (along with many other great things).
I felt like it was a symbol of something that would help me begin that journey or just to have paper and pen whenever I had the inspiration or the need to write something down.

For the longest time I never wrote anything in it.
I didn't think anything was worthy of being written on those lined pages, but last night, I was reading and suddenly I had the feeling of wanting to write something.

I made my first entry in that black notebook last night and the words within that piece were so honest, so raw, so true that I don't know if I'll ever post them here on this blog or just leave them within those pages.

It was about one of my true fears in life.
Something I've never been able to speak out loud about or been able to share with anyone before.
I don't know why exactly...

I want that book to be filled with words that will someday make an impact on someone.
I don't care for the fame and fortune that everyone else seems to crave.
I just want to write words, that hopefully, someday, someone will read and it'll make them cry.
Or make them smile.
Either way, I want the words that I write to make an impact on someone else.
If I can make that happen, then nothing else really matters to me.

Peace out yo.
x
chauie
'Sometimes I can't explain, and I'm so sorry that I can't' - Wish You Were, Kate Voegele

Paranoid

Why are people so nosey?
Why are they so paranoid?

I was having a conversation with my manager about the work that we do and when I returned to my desk, I received an instant message from one of my co-workers asking if we were talking about him?

I'm the youngest in my team and I've never seen a collective of people so concerned about the ongoing conversations.
I'm 23 and 80% of my team are over the age of thirty.

I admit, my team has a few gossipers but somehow it's not alright if they hear, or think they hear, people talking about them.
Sad, isn't it?

People talk.
If they have an opinion, they'll express it.
You can't control what is spoken.
You can't choose whether it's positive or negative.

I'm over this workplace.
More now than ever!

Ah.. it's only midday. Still got five hours left to survive here. Joy.

Peace yo.
chauie
'Why are you so paranoid? Don't be so paranoid. Don't be so....Baby don't worry about it. Lady don't even think about it. You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things' - Paranoid, Kanye West