Re-Connecting

This past week has been up and down for me. I had a feeling my good news would come to a halting stop. I knew there was a reason why I never really shared good news with anyone before, not just friends but family and workmates too.

The first 4 and a half days of the working week was great! Everything seemed to be smooth sailing and it was making me feel glad that I was still in January. I say "and a half" because the morning of Thursday was a morning filled with gossip and giggling whilst emailing a girlfriend of mine about the opposite sex. Very funny :P

But all good things must come to an end right?

Let's just say I copped a bit of critique about my work and although, I'm all well and good now after having a few days to myself, at the time I was really upset. Especially for the fact that it just kept coming, one after the other.

It was hard being at work too coz I couldn't really show what I was truly feeling. I wanted to scream! I wanted to throw my crackberry at the monitor then throw the monitor out the window. All I could do was go to the bathroom and shed a few tears there...

I know it was constructive criticism but I was happy with what I had done and when I saw who the caller was, I thought they'd be sharing in my happy news. But no. It was quite the opposite.

I felt so shitty with myself that I almost skipped the farewell dinner but the girl whom we were saying goodbye too was not at fault. It was me. So I went to dinner but left pretty soon afterwards. I only said goodbye to her and I know what everyone else was thinking.

I saw the expression on the faces and the surprise in their voices. But I'm sure they got over it five minutes later.

But on Friday, I came into work, on 4 hours of sleep, and didn't show any signs of unhappiness, anger or the like, somehow someone knew that I wasn't feeling all like myself. She asked me one question that morning that turned my whole (true) mood around.

The night before, friends had asked how work was that day, and I answered what they had asked about - work. They didn't ask about my day or how I was. They asked about work and so I kept the answer relating to work.

Later that day (Friday) though, I received a surprise email from my cousin from the States and after emailing her back and forth, she told me that she was glad that we were re-connecting again and those are the words that left me forgetting about the previous day's events. They just didn't matter anymore.

We were emailing each other all day about everything, especially future plans and I'm really excited for what's to come. She had me seeing things from a different perspective but in all honesty, when I do have a bad day, all I need is a few days of "me" time and I'll be alright.

People in my life who think they know me but don't just need to know that. It's one of the more important things about me and my personality.

Peace.
x
chauie

McFancy

Imagine Mcdonalds for the upscale high-end elite individuals of today’s society - those of whom you would gasp and stare at in shock if you saw them (or if they saw themselves) step into a fast food chain like Maccas.

Imagine walking up to the counter and ordering a Burberry (packaged) burger with a side of Hermes or Gucci fries and to top it all off, a Paul Smith sundae.

Enter McFancy - created by the Cool Hunter and Access Agency – a collaborative pop-up design project set to launch at fashion weeks around the world in 2010!

"Today’s demanding consumers expect even their beloved, favorite brands to step up their game. Many run-away online successes of offline brand “stunts” attest that consumers expect, and get really excited about, experiences that are unusual, fun, thought-provoking and emotionally engaging. With the power and immediacy of social media, surprising offline events and stunts have now turned into truly powerful promotional tools.

In 2010, TCH will launch Access Agency. It is a dedicated entity that will continue our work of creating highly original, transformational, yet eminently practical and results-oriented strategies for companies to stage the kinds of offline brand experiences that will increase the economic value of their offering.

For McDonald’s, we envision a cool, surprising and fun mix of concepts. First is McFancy, an upmarket temporary McDonald’s store that launches at Fashion Weeks around the globe — London, New York, Paris, Milan, Sydney, Hong Kong.

McFancy is part art installation, gathering spot and, of course, a restaurant that offers a traditional McDonald’s menu but packaged in a way that makes a playful yet stylish nod to the lifestyle of the highly desirable, influential consumers that attend Fashion Weeks." (The Cool Hunter, 2009)

This concept is not yet realized but is hoped to be unveiled in 2010. Question is, would you rather tuck into a good ol' Big Mac at McFancy or would you prefer to just sit and look at the pretty packaging? I'd love to do both! :)

Photos courtesy of The Cool Hunter

x
chauie

Vice

I was out with friends for a girlfriend's farewell but I left the night early, hoping to catch up on some sleep and re-collect my thoughts on the train ride home alone. Whilst I managed to do the latter, it's almost 1am and I don't feel the least bit tired.

I don't know what's wrong.
Maybe there's too many thoughts in my head
And so therefore I feel that I cannot
And will not
Be able to sleep until my thoughts are clear.

At times like these
Like the one I'm experiencing at this very moment
I wish I had a vice
Somehow release my thoughts and emotions through it
Take my stress away through a puff of smoke
Or perhaps a swig of alcohol

You may not have been yelling at me
But I could hear the judgment in your voice.
That's why I could not speak whilst we were on the phone
Hearing and knowing your reaction of my written words
Scared me for what may have come had I spoken any words.

I love how I can switch my mood
My mindset
When I walk through the door
Everyone's oblivious
And no-one notices a thing
I'm the invisible individual
No-one asks me how I am
Or notices that I've been crying for the past hour...

Whatever.
I guess I just have to remind myself that I'm the odd one out.
In every aspect of my life...

I miss her!
I wish she was here right now.
She'd know what to say...

All mixed emotions in this post. Gonna try and rest.
My mind may not be clear but my body needs sleep.

Nite yo
chauie
'In the room full of people feels like no one's around. Got your head in the clouds and your feet are off the ground', How It Feels Like To Fly, Alicia Keys

Genuine Smile

The more I see you
It seems as though you're growing on me
But that doesn't make things
Any less awkward
And I still don't find you attractive
As harsh as that sounds

I couldn't say hi to you
In fact I avoided you like the plague
But I was able to wave goodbye
With a genuine smile

Confused?
So am I..

~
I just found out you're a bit of a man-whore.
Forget you.
Bye bye.


Random piece I know lol
x
chauie

Every Little Detail

You're such a lazy person
Not to mention nosey too
Must you know every little detail
Of what's happening in my life?
Must you always look into my bag
To see what is in there?
There is a line to our friendship
And you've been crossing it over the past few days
Way too many times.

I particularly don't like when
You come to me for help
And although I've already given you the answer
(Which you obviously already know)
You still tend to linger around
And invade my personal space
Just for a few minutes
But I know it's only coz you're avoiding something
Avoiding having to go back to your work
To do something the rest of us actually do - work!


...my little vent for the day...
chauie
'And maybe, i just don't wanna be like you. And maybe I just don't wanna know, How low you're ready to go' - You Don't Mean Anything, Simple Plan

January Update

I haven't really been blogging in regards to updates as of late and so I decided to do one (or two) on a monthly basis just so I can drone on and on hehe. Sure the poems are a little insight into my life but they're more cryptic versions... pieces with no names mentioned, which is the way I like them. :)

So I thought I'd have this post and possibly the next one be a little more of the detailed updates - not of the poetry kind.

First off things are really taking off for me. 2010 is the year where I wanted to apply for an internship to get my writing career kick-started and whatnot (It was one of my goals for 2010). Like I said previously, the TAFE marks that I received were awesome and I feel like they were just the thing I needed to give me that push for me to keep doing what I'm doing. Like it was a sign for me to take that next step in achieving my dream, as corny as that sounds...

Last night I went to a farewell for my best friend, a close girlfriend and another mate and instead of all the sad stories and reminiscing, we all took it as a time to catch up and quickly say what we wanted to say until the time we would see each other again.

I admit there were tears when I gave my close girlfriend a card with what I wanted to say to her. I've never been one to say words out loud, in a sense, and the affect that what was written on the card had on her was exactly what I wanted - needless to say there were a little bit of tears and a few hugs. Gonna miss you my dear and will never forget how we first met :) I know you're coming back but that'll be a while yet. xx

My best friend is leaving sooner than ever and I probably didn't get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked to but we caught up and I know she's coming back before I realise how quickly the time has passed. I swear, if she was leaving indefinitely, I probably would have cried a puddle of tears last night but she's going on a big adventure in the next few months and a well-deserved holiday at that! Love you D. xx

As if our group didn't have only a few girls already... now two more are leaving. Boo!

Okay enough of sad news... onto the good!

So like I said at the beginning, I feel like 2010 is going to be my year, career-wise that is, and the past 2-3 weeks has already proven that to me. First off, I talked to my manager about wanting to apply for an internship this year and I wanted to get her thoughts on that. My manager and I are pretty close as far as work relationships go and I'm so glad I received the approval from her to 'go for it'. She knows that I want to move on from my current role and she expects it. Actually, she expected me to move on a while ago hehe

So good news #1.

#2: This may have been a big sign but when I walked out of that meeting (with my manager), I received an email from [Melbourne magazine] Acclaim - it was one of their weekly newsletters - and the content within it was that they were looking for interns! I was a little hesitant in applying coz the internship would be in Melbourne and if I were to get it I would have to figure out a whole bunch of things - i.e flights, leave, accomodation, etc.

I talked to one of my good mates asking for advice and he said to just go for it so I thought it over myself and decided to take the advice of him and my manager and applied.

#3: Got home and received my TAFE marks for the last semester, which if you guys read my blog often, you'll know what I got. Otherwise refer to previous post - 'Results'.

#4: A few days later, I received an email from Mariam, Digital Editor for Universal Music Australia, and I totally forgot that I had randomly applied for this role and well basically her news was that she was happy to have me on as a reviewer for one of their sister sites. This gig is unpaid but in exchange I get free CDs (on a fortnightly basis) and hopefully and eventually, concert tickets. Fingers crossed!

#5: The week after, I received an email from [sub-editor of Acclaim] Alex, letting me know that whilst they couldn't offer me the internship because of the whole location thing, she suggested that I write for the site/blog instead! I was stoked! Even if the role is unpaid, for the moment, the more important thing to me is getting the experience and the exposure. Check out my pieces at www.acclaimmag.com and look out for the BY line hehe :0)

This has been my first week at writing for Acclaim and I'm loving it. At the farewell last night, I had all my friends telling me how proud they were of me! Soo happy! Ah it feels so good to be loved hehe which kind of contradicts what that fortune teller told me last weekend...

Well I'm gonna end this post right here but dont worry, my next update will be about that fortune teller haha

Enjoy the weekend!
Peace yo.
x
chauie

Far More Than Awkward

I saw you last weekend
And the feeling I had when I saw you
Was far more than awkward
I could barely look you in the eye
And in a sense I wanna apologise for it.
For my behaviour that night.
I avoided you at all costs afterwards

What we did
Was a one-time thing
That's what I wanted you to know
But I think I just needed to tell myself too
Not because the temptation was there
Cause trust me, it wasn't.

But moreso because I'm always like this
I avoid the boy in question
If I ever have to see him... again.

x
chauie
'I told myself that I would make some changes. But the more I change there's one thing that remains the same...' - Bad Habit, Destiny's Child

One Sentence

I should be the happiest girl in the world right now.
I should feel like I'm on top of the world.
On the outside I do - well my smiles are showing it.
And for the first half of the day, I was.
I was all smiles.
Boasting about my new writing opportunities for online side projects*.
My workmate said she could feel the sense that I was really excited.
Even when I was saying nothing.

Unfortunately, after lunch my brother sent me an email with one sentence.
But within that sentence was information my mother had told me earlier this morning before I walked out of the house.
I don't know why it didn't hit me sooner.
I guess seeing it written out and reading it just made it seem like it was final.
That things were set in stone.

I don't particularly know where this piece of news is going to lead us but I hope our pathway isn't heading any further downhill coz it really feels like we've hit rock bottom...

Peace.
chauie

NB: *Online side projects are two unpaid writing gigs that I've recently scored! It's finally happening yo!

'I missed all the signs, one at a time....' - Disappear, Beyonce

Avoiding You

Things will never be the same
Between you and I.

I asked you for help and you replied in a way
That felt like you were critiquing me

I thought we had sorted out our differences
But I guess I was wrong
I knew your 'nice' behaviour
Wouldn't last too long

That's why I kept my guard up
And never disclosed anything personal to you.
Short answers
No open ended questions

If you've been keeping a blind eye
Well here's the latest news:
I'm avoiding you

Your response made me feel as if
I should never ask you for help again
As though I can't.

Don't you know that
someone asking you for help
is a compliment in a way?

In the sense that we're acknowledging
the amount of knowledge you have.

But if you don't wanna share that skill and information,
then feel free to be rude, selfish and bitchy
in your own pitiful world

In a venting mood,
chauie
'You put on quite a show. Really had me going. But now it's time to go, Curtain's finally closing' - Take A Bow, Rihanna

Results

I received my results for last semester earlier this week and the news had me feeling positive for the rest of the week!

The good news (and what I was hoping) is that I passed everything.
The even greater news is I received two distinctions and a credit!
Not bad for my first semester :)

I guess the late nights, the stressing and the struggles of the (dis)organisation and (mis)communication between me and the other students was all worth it.

I was telling my workmate that I've never received anything higher than a credit.
When I was still at Uni, I just crossed my fingers and hoped for a pass, rather than a fail.

The results put a stamp on the fact that I'm doing the right thing by studying for this course.
That I'm headed in the right direction.

I'm so happy!
I told my mum that night and she couldn't help but make a negative comment, but all in all, she was happy too. It's so hard to please her! :/

x
chauie

Icing On The Cake

Walking away and leaving me alone
Was the best thing you ever did
Not hugging you goodbye was the icing on the cake

Hopefully time will not pass by too quickly
Until you come back
And I have to see your face again
I want to get used to the feeling
Of not having to see you
Everywhere I go

I want to reach that level of comfort
That feeling of being able to appreciate
The feeling when you're not here
When I no longer want to reach out a hand to touch yours
The feeling where I no longer look forward to your hugs
The feeling when I see you and feel nothing.

I've felt it in the past when you really upset me
And now that you're gone
I hope to experience it again.

Please don't hurry back.

Peace,
chauie

'Shame on you, if you fool me once. Shame on me if you fool me twice' - Life Goes On, LeAnn Rimes

Not Here Right Now

The more I look at you
The uglier you appear to me
Not only on the outside
But within yourself too
I know what you're like
I know who you are now
And I no longer feel the need
To be apart of your life
To know what's going on
And what you're doing
You can tell me if you want
But that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be listening...
I can't believe you're trying to get with her
After what happened with me
It makes you appear like an idiot
After all that's happened
I can't believe you would disregard my feelings
And the consequences of your actions
Whatever
I'm glad you're not here right now.

Peace.
x
chauie

'Since there's no more you and me. It's time I let you go So I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you. Yes I will' - Better In Time, Leona Lewis

Happy New Year yo!

2009 has ended and 2010 has officially started and I think it's the perfect time for all of us (me, especially) to let go of all we know so we can grow. May it be the bad or the good, we shouldn't let our past define us.

I want to re-enter this world as a twenty-three year old with a different outlook on life. I want to welcome the perspectives of others before I make major (or drastic) decisions concerning my own happiness and well-being.

But in saying that, at the end of the day I want to make a decision (whether it be good or bad, right or wrong) on my own and if it happens to be the wrong one, I want to learn from the mistake and not repeat that same (bad) decision twice.

2010 may only have started but there a couple of things that have been said and some may have started at the end of 2009 that may linger onto 2010 that have me excited for what's to come in the near future.

I want to have a more open mind in the future.

I know I can't completely change my mindset and that there will be a lot of times when I'll stay true to myself and the person I am but for the most part, I'd like to have a more open mind and give certain individuals a chance if the time and place calls for it.

Like I've mentioned in a previous post, there are handful of goals that I'd like to achieve this year. They're not necessarily my New Year's Resolution(s), but just a list of goals that I hope to achieve by 31 Dec 2010. Granted, all of them may not be achieved but I've got at least one goal for every part of my life - work, study, friends, family and me.

Some are long-term and I know personally that I will not complete some of these goals by 31 Dec but I'd like to try and get started on it if time permits me to.

Anyhow, I'll stop here for now - they'll be plenty more to write in 2010 and I'm looking forward to it! :)

May we all have a great 2010 ahead of us!
Happy New Year yo!

Thanks for reading/following/dropping by whenever you have a moment,
x
chauie