Bad News All Around

i'm quitting this blog.
this sudden burst of rain reflects my mood perfectly.

Update:
I take back the above statement
But to be honest, I dont think i'll be posting as much, even though my mind is full of millions of thoughts right now.

Over the weekend, I've discovered tumblr (a bit late i know) but I love that it has a Blackberry application therefore I can write all my thoughts on the go. Plus it's like Facebook, Twitter and Blogspot combined - I can do my short status updates, upload pic/videos or write any of my long "thoughts".

Don't know if anyone still reads this blog but if you want to follow me on tumblr, click here.

Peace.

Regret

Lots of mixed thoughts surrounding what happened last night
I admit it, I had expectations
Even though I just wanted to go with the flow
I couldn't help it
When i saw him, hugged him
All those carefree thoughts went out the window

But as the night went on...
I felt the distance between us
Even though we were sitting right next to each other

That's what I felt.
Who knows what you were feeling
Or thinking for that matter.

Your comment to me woke me up and in turn, I turned my back on you
For the rest of the night
But I guess you were fine
Coz you were occupied by conversation from another lady
And you seemed happy
So maybe I should stop trying.

Maybe that's just my paranoia setting in again.
Two weeks in a row
Where both Saturdays I've woken up and haven't exactly felt the best about the previous night's experiences.

I'm feeling more or less regretful about the whole situation
Why did I kiss him,
When I wanted to kiss you?

Out for now.
There might be more later.
x
C

Influenced

The post below, is something I wrote a couple days ago on the train on the way home, when I found out class was cancelled. Score!

Later today, I'll post something that reflects the update of the situation.

In the meantime, here's Thursday's post:

I'm receiving differences of opinions about you
About what to do with you
My next move...
I'm not the right person to be experiencing this
The results are leaving me confused
Not knowing what's right
And not wanting to believe what's right is actually wrong
I know that everyone has voiced their opinion
I know that's it's me that has to tell you yes or no
I just can't help but let my decision be influenced.

The thing is, I know that whatever happens between us
Won't last very long
And part of me doesn't mind
Time will always be an issue
It's a part of life
And I can accept that
Truly.

I just want to know what you're thinking
About all of this
Especially with what happened
The last time we were out together
Was the alcohol a contributing factor,
Or was it giving you courage to act the way you wanted to?

I have a confession to make:
I wanted you that night and I still do.

What do I do now? :(

x
C

Attraction

My friend is right
Although I can't have you
The way I (used to) think I could
The attraction will always be there
The smiles
The jokes
The winking
You'll always know how to bring me out of a crazy mood
Well (at least) I know that you're the answer
But you might not lol
At least it'll keep the mystery going between us

Still,
I like this place we're in:
Just friends
For the first time, I'm okay with not crossing the line with you

x
C

Anxious, Paranoid, Fear.

I'm feeling so anxious at the moment.
I just texted someone and I'm anxiously awaiting their response.

One great mate of mine decided to give up my birthday present to him so that I could give it to someone who could potentially change things for me. He told me he cared about my happiness more than the gift itself. So sweet.

The anxiety is slowly passing and the paranoid is starting to take over though.
A guy from my past has walked into my life lately.. the most significant being last night and I fear for what he has told others about me.

I know people have different opinions of me. They stereotype me to a certain extent or they think that just because I am a certain way when they first meet me then that must be my personality right?
First impressions may be important but most times the layers underneath are so much more important when you're getting to know someone.

I'm trying something new with someone new :)
And I really hope things work out because the last couple have just not turned out the way I thought..
I don't want to be pigeon-holed as someone that I am completely not.

Not wanting to reveal the finer details of this situation, I'm going to stop writing now.
But I'm so anxious about the response of the person on the other side of the text that I'm making myself paranoid and upset.
Not good.

Out.
x
chauie

Stop

I saw the look on your face when you saw me walking out with them.
I know you still got it for me
But you should know by now
I'm definitely over you.
Scratch that, I was never into you
Nothing ever happened between us
So I don't know how
You supposedly felt something much deeper than I
You took me out on one date
And from then, I knew there was nothing to come out of the two of us
I know you still look for me
Glancing over my direction
Whenever we're in the same vicinity
But here's news for you:
You need to stop.
Stop being so desperate.
That is what turned me off in the first place.
You were far too clingy for my liking
The two guys I walked out with today know how to play the game
(as much as I hate playing games)
Nothing is happening
But if one of them rolled the dice,
I'd rather be their opponent than yours
(Rolling the dice and playing along with them)

Just got back from class and my feet are sore from my shoes lol
TGIF tomorrow.
Heading out for a big one with a possibility of certain people joining us :)
Can't wait!
Now it's time for bed... Nighty Night
x
chauie

Long Weekend

Sometimes working in Finance has its advantages, like the Bank Holiday that was today was a public holiday for us which meant a long weekend but my sister decided to move houses this weekend and so my nephew came over. Saturday and Sunday were fine but then she decided to bring him over today too!

I love the little guy but I had planned to do all these things today like work on my assignment, go to the doctor to get my vaccinations for China, go camera shopping (or at least research for quotes rather than spending), etc.

Oh well, he slept for three hours today and luckily I managed to get one of those things ticked off the list - my assignment. Thank goodness - otherwise it would have been an all-nighter tonight.

Anyways I'm beat. Not much to report. I've been doing some thinking too about some things but am yet to make a decision on anything. Am really hoping that my trip to China in 18 days (!!) will help me decide things and have me come back with a fresh perspective.

x
Chauie 

the cheeky little troublemaker that is my nephew, Hayden :)