Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Went to another magazine launch earlier tonight..
Same magazine as last time but different issue.

I showed up overdressed in a pretty top and jeans whereas everyone else was in tee shirts.
Fail Number One.

I admit part of me was hoping to see the boy who still has me intrigued by the look he once gave when I first spotted him, or rather he spotted me.
And I did see him... but only for about 5 seconds which brings in Fail Number Two.

It was a classic case of wrong place, wrong time.
This time though, our eyes didn't meet. At all. :(

As the night went on, I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest.
I felt like I couldn't tell anyone either about how I was feeling coz those who are in the know weren't there for me to gossip / retell every little step to and giggle with and those who aren't were too busy trying to pick up the opposite sex.

Whatever.

I only left the event for a moment.
Why did I choose to leave at that moment?

Til next time,
chauie
'All dressed up and nowhere to go...' - Emergency (911), Jordin Sparks

Not Right

Something doesn't feel right.

The feeling started yesterday...

I had a great day at work, productivity-wise that is. I got through way more work than my suggested "target" so I treated myself and went shopping for an hour. Picked up a great maxi dress for a bargain price and then decided to leave.

Boom!
It started raining then I hopped on the wrong train - twice!
Who does that?
Isn't once enough?
My brother came and picked me up hours later and started going off at me bringing my already shitty mood down further.
Needless to say, I didn't say much..

And I haven't said much all day today either..

At work but not wanting to be here,
chauie
'Oh, it looks like rain tonight and thank God. 'Cause a clear sky just wouldn't feel right.' - Come Round Soon, Sara Bareilles

Eibatova Karina ( Eika )

I've fallen in love.

No, not with a boy but with the work of an artist whose eye for intricate lines and attention to detail shines through her dope and whimsical drawings.


The artist in question is Russia-based Eibatova Karina (also known as Eika) and her pencil illustrations are utterly fresh. Check out her latest showcase, Life in the Alphabet, in which she explains,

"The idea of the project is to represent a letter in a natural form and appearance.
Like something alive has turned into a letter and stood still.
In some letters it's possible to find symbolism, others are just an abstract form.
In the alphabet you can find only one human - a woman in space. And one unreal creature - a dragon, also a very symbolical sign. "

Three words: Beautiful, creative and inspiring.



Peace yo,
chauie

Selfish.

Last night was an emotional night.
With family and then friends.

It was the 49th day after my aunt's death and I was there to pray for her along with some of the rest of my relatives.

"In the Mahayana Buddhism, especially, Vietnamese tradition we pray for the dead for 49 days after passing away, 49 being the estimated time it takes for the spirit to be reborn again into a new life. Some spirits are reborn 3 days, 21 days, 49 days or 100 days after death, and in some cases even 7 years."

After the prayers, one of the monks spoke a little prayer and said words that would help us to move on with our lives. Not being fluent in Vietnamese, I only stood bits and pieces but the parts I did understand, ultimately lead to tears streaming down my face [and everyone else's].

I still miss her...
...And I don't know if I'll ever stop crying for her...

~

Later that night, I went out to meet my friends for a joint birthday celebration.

I was pretty late as I had the family commitment to attend to but when I arrived, it was a good feeling that everyone was so supportive and welcoming. Hugs all around and comments that they were waiting for me to show up.

I love my friends.

As far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I need.
They don't need to know the whole story on certain issues but I know that they'll always be there for me.

In fact I want to take this moment right now to apologise to one friend in particular - K.A - sorry for my words in regards to my choices. Sorry for my selfish choice.
I've decided not to go ahead with it.
I hope you forgive me for it.

x
chauie
'I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes. I'm tired of this smile, that even I don't recognise' - The Good Kind, The Wreckers

Cry.

Almost everytime we talk online, I end up with tears streaming down my face.

Most of the time, I'll keep crying, long after the conversation is over.

There are so many words exchanged and messages within those words that the emotional side of me takes over.

I don't know if I love him for it or dislike him for it.

That's all.

x
chauie
'It's clear in my head, and I'm screaming for something. Knowing nothing is better than knowing it all' - On My Own, The Used

Wierd.

I have a strange feeling in my heart.
Wierd even
And no, it's not about a boy.
It's about a girl.
And no, sorry fellas, but I'm not coming out of the closet :P

This particular girl is someone I havent spoken to for a few months now and this week we came into contact again but I wasn't exactly Miss Nice Girl as I usually am.

I was cold and I know it.

It's just strange because I wrote about her last month. Her and someone else and the stranger thing is, I forgave the other girl - something I didn't think I'd be doing for a long time - last week. I think I forgave her coz I missed her. She was there for me when something personal was bothering me and when things came tumbling down again, I wanted to call her but in a sense, thought / knew that I couldn't.

This other girl though, I don't really want to forgive her.
Not now.

I needed to let that out.
Night,
chauie
'I'm so far gone now. I been running on empty. I'm so far gone now. Do you wanna take me on?' - Lunacy Fringe, The Used

Disguise

The stresses of yesterday broke me.
I reached it.
That point.

I felt so burnt out.
Whilst waiting for my train, I wanted to break down and just cry for hours on end.
I felt the tears coming on but I held them back

It wasn't until I was watching the series return of a show and one of the characters said something along the lines of:

"I know what you're doing. You're keeping your feelings bottled up and you can't do that and one day you're just going to explode".

Those words were enough.
The tears came and kept on coming.

I felt like she was talking directly to me.
I do tend to hide my true feelings.
I still keep my guard up
I wear a disguise.

Night yo,
chauie
'Look at me, you tell me, just what you see. Am I, someone whom, you may love, or enemy. Am I speaking for, you and yours, or someone else. I need some answers. Yeah Yeah' - Mr Solo Dolo, Kid Cudi

Gem

This week has been a real gem... I don't know if I'm being sarcastic with that word but let's just say it's a little bit of truth and sarcasm.

Two major assessments are done and have been handed in.
Finito.
It's left my hands
The weight has been lifted.
After two nights of barely any sleep...
After days of stressing and underestimation of time..
After hours of procrastination,
I can finally breathe a sigh of relief
*phew! :)

On the other hand...

Yesterday was a real winner. *cue sarcasm now*
Got into work early to leave early only finding out when I got in that the girl I asked to stay back called in sick. What a coincidence!
So I stayed back an hour.
Left the office just after 5.
Got to the train station and the trains had broken down.
Walked 45 minutes to get to a station with working trains in 38 degree weather.
Yay...

If you havent yet noticed, this post is just a vent.

I'm out - for now.
chauie
'Close my eyes and move to the back of my head. Where worries are washed out to sea' - Yesterday's Feelings, The Used