Icing On The Cake

Walking away and leaving me alone
Was the best thing you ever did
Not hugging you goodbye was the icing on the cake

Hopefully time will not pass by too quickly
Until you come back
And I have to see your face again
I want to get used to the feeling
Of not having to see you
Everywhere I go

I want to reach that level of comfort
That feeling of being able to appreciate
The feeling when you're not here
When I no longer want to reach out a hand to touch yours
The feeling where I no longer look forward to your hugs
The feeling when I see you and feel nothing.

I've felt it in the past when you really upset me
And now that you're gone
I hope to experience it again.

Please don't hurry back.

Peace,
chauie

'Shame on you, if you fool me once. Shame on me if you fool me twice' - Life Goes On, LeAnn Rimes

Not Here Right Now

The more I look at you
The uglier you appear to me
Not only on the outside
But within yourself too
I know what you're like
I know who you are now
And I no longer feel the need
To be apart of your life
To know what's going on
And what you're doing
You can tell me if you want
But that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be listening...
I can't believe you're trying to get with her
After what happened with me
It makes you appear like an idiot
After all that's happened
I can't believe you would disregard my feelings
And the consequences of your actions
Whatever
I'm glad you're not here right now.

Peace.
x
chauie

'Since there's no more you and me. It's time I let you go So I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you. Yes I will' - Better In Time, Leona Lewis

Happy New Year yo!

2009 has ended and 2010 has officially started and I think it's the perfect time for all of us (me, especially) to let go of all we know so we can grow. May it be the bad or the good, we shouldn't let our past define us.

I want to re-enter this world as a twenty-three year old with a different outlook on life. I want to welcome the perspectives of others before I make major (or drastic) decisions concerning my own happiness and well-being.

But in saying that, at the end of the day I want to make a decision (whether it be good or bad, right or wrong) on my own and if it happens to be the wrong one, I want to learn from the mistake and not repeat that same (bad) decision twice.

2010 may only have started but there a couple of things that have been said and some may have started at the end of 2009 that may linger onto 2010 that have me excited for what's to come in the near future.

I want to have a more open mind in the future.

I know I can't completely change my mindset and that there will be a lot of times when I'll stay true to myself and the person I am but for the most part, I'd like to have a more open mind and give certain individuals a chance if the time and place calls for it.

Like I've mentioned in a previous post, there are handful of goals that I'd like to achieve this year. They're not necessarily my New Year's Resolution(s), but just a list of goals that I hope to achieve by 31 Dec 2010. Granted, all of them may not be achieved but I've got at least one goal for every part of my life - work, study, friends, family and me.

Some are long-term and I know personally that I will not complete some of these goals by 31 Dec but I'd like to try and get started on it if time permits me to.

Anyhow, I'll stop here for now - they'll be plenty more to write in 2010 and I'm looking forward to it! :)

May we all have a great 2010 ahead of us!
Happy New Year yo!

Thanks for reading/following/dropping by whenever you have a moment,
x
chauie

The Odd One Out

It's two days before 2010 and I'm anxious to find out what the year has in store for me.
I turned 23 (approximately) two weeks ago and it seems like things are already taking a positive turn for me.
Since the night of my birthday dinner, it's like I've woken up even more in a sense.
I have a handful of personal goals that I'd like to acheive by 31 Dec 2010.
But even if I only achieved one of those goals and complete it whole-heartedly, I'd be happy.

2009 was the year thay begun the search of being my own person...
I stood up against my parents and told them what I wanted.
After 22 years, they had to know me by now right?
Sometimes that statement feels like the exact opposite.
But as much as my family want me to be like them in life, share the same attributes and whatnot, for the first time I don't mind being the odd one out.
I don't mind not being the one that doesn't fit in.
I don't mind being misunderstood.

I've felt the feeling of it for years now but now I feel I can finally accept it.
I know my opinions and thoughts have always been different to those of my family members and relatives and at this moment, I'm honestly okay with it.

Peace and love,
chauie

Embarrassed (I Wish)

Is it bad that I still think about you?
Since that night
When only two words were exchanged
Between us?

I wish you were still there
When I turned around

I wish I was the girl that turns heads
Whenever she walked into a room

I wish I was confident enough
To say more than just (that) one word to you

I wish I could walk right up to you
And strike up a conversation
Ask you questions
Get to know you

I wish our mutual friend
Knew how I felt and would lend a helping hand

Despite all these wishes though
There's only one that I really want you to know
One in which I hope one day
We can make come true
And simply that wish is:

"I wish that you knew how I felt about you"

The way you looked at me
Made me feel as though I was worth looking at
And I hope to find someone one day
Who looks at me
Just the way you did
(Til then, I might just give up altogether..)

You looked my way
And I held your gaze
But I felt embarrassed after a little while
And that had me turning away

I wish I had kept looking...


x
chauie
You've got this look I can't describe, You make me feel like I'm alive' - Like A Star, Corinne Bailey Rae