The Truth Came Out..

So Friday night, my friends and I went out with the intention of getting our friend "hammered"..
I didn't think that things would take a bad turn and I would be the one smashed!

I guess it was just an emotional day all-round what with what had happened at work earlier that day (check out my previous post) and then seeing someone turn up with her friends but getting completely snobbed by her. Instead, she made a beeline for the boy she's with now and was just hanging all over him everytime I saw her.

I think that's what made me throw in the towel. It was all too much.
Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse...

I guess I thought that being with my friends and having a good night out would pick up my mood but no - it didn't. It kind of worsened when it hit me what was happening.
The things I was seeing all around me.
I started to feel alone and unhappy again.

The truth came out when I was in the ladies with a couple of girlfriends...
I didn't mean it to and although I keep telling myself and others I'm okay, when the truth came out, it completely revealed that I'm not. :(

Needless to say, my drunken state had me leaving early whilst the others kicked on til the early hours and whilst I did receive txts and missed calls from those who truly care about me the next day, my mind was not in the mood to talk. I couldn't even eat or sleep it off for a good portion of the entire day.
Maybe it was the hangover but I think it was something deeper...

x
chauie
'Here's where I stand, Here's who I am. Love me, but don't tell me who I have to be. Here's who I am, I'm what you see. You said I had to change and I was trying, But my heart was lying' - Here's Where I Stand, Tiffany Taylor

Some people turn into bitches...

And some people are just born bitches!

So what's goin on?

Today at work the same girl who almost had me quitting my job a few weeks ago, hit another nerve in me...

A couple of things that she's done this week:
1. She had a task and logged a help task for me, so me and my manager worked out an answer that afternoon and so we were ready to push it back to her. Next day she calls in sick so I had to do that part of the task for her. And then today I push it back to her and apparently she "called the adviser but he didnt pick up" so I told her to pend the task for Monday and so she was like "oh... but will you know what to say? coz I wont be here"

Isn't it fucking convenient that she just happens to be on Annual Leave next week?
Man that girl is so lazy! She will do anything to get out of doing extra work or avoid conflict.
So now as the only other equally skilled person in the team, I have to take on her extra work as well as trying to complete my own! .. And you wonder why I broke down at work last month...

Like I said... fucking bitch!

And then about an hour ago,
2. Me and my workmate next to me were talking about a task and I was asking him for help just quietly. She sits about 3m away and all of a sudden she's coming over to offer her opinion on what I should do - which was wrong anyway! I know she was trying to help, but she was getting it all wrong!!!

It's one thing to listen in on a private conversation, but if you don't know what we are, or you yourself, are talking about, then please just shut up!

That girl honestly makes me pull my hair out and want to get drunk so I can just forget it all.
Sometimes, she makes me wanna take a gun and... either shoot her or shoot myself so I no longer have to deal with her.

Funnily enough, I'm cutting my hair on Thursday and going out for drinks with friends tonight.

Almost time to leave the office.
Enjoy the weekend!

x
chauie
'Man, I told you, you know, if I find her, I really, I, I mean, I'll kill her, for real!' - I'll Kill Her, SoKo

A Simple Question...

Due to family commitments this past (long) weekend, I didn't see any of my friends.
I probably could have met up with a few of them on a couple of the nights, but I chose not to.

Tonight I realised something:
hardly anyone ever asks how I am anymore.
Just me.
Not my work.
Not Acclaim
or any other writing projects I have on...

Is it that hard to ask such a simple question: 'How are you?' or 'How have you been?'

I don't get it.

On a sort of relevant note, I've started to clean out my Facebook friend list.

I'm starting to get tired of it.
All of it.

Out.
chauie
'You see the thing of it, Is we deserve respect. But we can't demand respect without change. There comes a time when we must go our own way' - Let It Flow, Toni Braxton

Interesting Advice

Last night went to my cousin's wedding and it was AWESOME! Always great to get together with the cousins, drink, eat and reminisce about all the old times. Though there was a moment in the night that would be best forgotten, the majority of the night was great, thus proving that our family can't get any better. I would have added bigger to that statement also but there's already another bun in the oven! :P

Anyhow, had a moment to catch-up and chat with my sister-in-law and she gave me some interesting advice. Words that I actually wanted to hear. Wise words about being an independent woman and whatnot. With the way I've been feeling lately, these certain words of encouragement and empowerment were just the right push that I needed and when I went back to my table, it made me feel like I hadn't made any mistakes or regrets with the decisions I've made in the past... let's say, few weeks.

Especially with the opposite sex.

So I want to thank her and I'm glad she told me what life is really like for her, despite all the ups and downs.
Love you sis!

Got an early morning tomorrow - even though it's Easter Monday and I should be taking full advantage of this extra day off - but I have some important family stuff to attend to.

Happy Easter yo!
chauie
'So let me on down, Cause time has made me strong. I'm starting to move on. I'm gonna say this now, Your chance has come and gone' - Too Little Too Late, JoJo

Muddled, Grey Thoughts

The days in Sydney have been grey lately
And my mood has unfortunately matched its hue
Some days I just feel alone.
And on those days I want to blame you
Not alone, in the sense of having a partner
But alone in the world
Days when I feel no-one understands
No-one is reaching for my hand
Telling me all will be okay..

Sometimes I wonder why
I am this way
Quiet, shy, secretive
Independent
But I still care about what other people think
I don't know why I still do
Well actually I do: it was all because of my horrific experience in high-school

After I left and found myself reflecting upon it, I realised that all girls are catty bitches looking for drama and a piece of gossip and all guys are jerks who just want to date every girl who walks onto the basketball court.

I don't talk to anyone from High-School anymore coz I realised they all treated me like shit.
It was really hard for me to let people in after that.
It still is.
That's why I'm so quiet when I meet someone new.
I just tend to keep to myself.
You can call it shy
I call it careful:
not wanting to make the same mistake twice.
not wanting to get burnt again...

x
chauie
'Is anyone out there willing to listen. I'm kind of worried about the world that we live in. It's time to stand up but everyone's sitting' - Am I All Alone, Suai