I'm Not Interested

Last night I celebrated my twenty-third birthday and despite all the constant teasing and questioning, a wave of relief went through me,
when seeing who showed up to dinner and not seeing him.

I'm glad that last night he did not show up
the boy from Saturday

The constant questioning will not get my friends anywhere
to say "I'm not interested" does not get taken lightly around here

Gayfish

And now there's someone else who's come back into my life
Five years on
Someone whom I haven't seen
I dont know who he is...
Anymore

What if i bring him back into my life
But something happens?

Good or bad,
I think it is a big risk

It seems as though he is chasing me,
Five years on
As compared to me,
chasing him
Five years back...

But the more i think about it
The less i want it to happen

Because of this, my friend says I'm a strange cookie.
What do you think?

In a contemplative mood,
chauie
'Don't ask for more, coz what you're searching for, you won't find at my door' - Don't Ask For More, Abby Dobson

Twenty-Three

In three days, on Thursday(17th December), I will be turning twenty-three and a celebration of dinner with my closest friends is really the only thing I want.

A night where we can relax, chill out,talk (about Saturday night I'm sure) and laugh til we cry.

When a girlfriend was organising my present, she asked if there was anything in particular I wanted and I responded by telling her "nothing.. Just for everyone to show up!"

That's all I would ever want for each birthday I tend on celebrating in the years to come.

No tiffany necklaces
No DJ heroes.

There's no need for the materialistic things

Sure they're pretty but looks fade and they'll no longer be thought of it as shiny and pretty.

If I learnt anything after the weekend trip away in Coffs Harbour, it's that these are the people that I am meant to share and experience life with and I don't want to lose them or ever risk losing them ever again...

In deep thought,
chauie

Beneath Those Clouds..

last night turned out to be pretty crazy
celebrating the night away
of a girl turning twenty-three
a girl whose night lived up to the hype
and everyone's expectations...
thank goodness!

she consumed a lot of drinks,
did some dancing,
got a shout out from the dj/mc
received a birthday kiss...

but when she woke up this morning
through the cloudiness of her mind
and alcohol still in her system,
beneath those clouds
she found herself thinking about someone
who wasn't there last night
but she sure as hell wishes he was.

x
chauie
'Just want you to know, You had me at hello' - Hello, Beyonce

Indefinitely

Okay so here's part 2 of previous post 'Ignorant', one I've aptly titled as 'Indefinitely'.

(Written 3rd December 2009)

There is a reason why
I
No longer share my news with you
News, whether it be good or bad.
I heard the surprise in your voice
When?
The first time you found out I was studying again
And I always had a feeling
That you thought I could never do it.
I just needed time away and for myself
To figure it all out
But you thought I was just wasting it.

I'm glad I proved you wrong
I'm glad I no longer have you in my life
(At least not my personal one)
I don't need you
Or your discouraging words bringing me down

Your recent behaviour
Has confirmed to me
Indefinitely
That you're no good for me
And it's best that I walk away now
And leave you (coughing) in the dust...


x
chauie
'Now all I battle is your ego and your pride. It's ticking like a time bomb, ready too ignite. Hurtin' me to fight.' - Wake Up, Alicia Keys

Ignorant..

Okay so I wrote this piece after I came back and it has two parts. After feeling good about writing again, I think I've found my groove again coz I feel like I was neglecting this blog a little bit back there.
Anyway, I think it's self-explanatory... the only question is... who is it about? :P

(Written 3rd December 2009)

It's funny to think and now I know
That things haven't changed between us
Things are still the same
You put on an act in front of others which is strange
Especially since it's been a while since anything happened
When we're alone,
You act like I don't exist
But when people are around us,
You pretend that you're happy to see me.
Whatever.

I'm glad (and proud of myself) that I didn't fall for your ways this time around.
I just don't think you realise how you're treating me.
The after-effect(s).
Which is kinda sad.
Coz this naive and ignorant behaviour / act you got going on
May someday leave you in a position you don't want to be.

I think it's time for you to wake up and act your age!
On the exterior, you're a mature man
(Or at least you're doing a good job pretending)
But I found out that underneath it all,
You're just a little boy who doesn't know any better.

Second part coming soon!
x
chauie
'It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna make it anyway. Close the door behind you. Leave your key. I'd rather be alone than unhappy.' It's Not Right But It's Okay, Whitney Houston