Maybe Maybe Maybe

There are quite a few things I wish I could have said to you Friday night, but maybe it was because I was too shy to be the first one to approach you.

Maybe I didn't have enough Raspberry Wine at dinner, despite refusing more whenever I was asked for a top-up (not that that worked either!)

Maybe I was scared of the words that would be coming out of your mouth had I got up the courage to talk to you.

Maybe I'm just like everyone else but not scared of admitting that I'm afraid of rejection; despite the fact my friends often tell me [when this kinda thing happens] that maybe I'll never see [someone like] you again.

I went out that night trying to avoid someone and love altogether, coz let's face it - I don't exactly have a great track record with that part of my life.
But then I saw you and maybe someone was trying to tell me something.

Maybe it's too late to be thinking this way but I just can't seem to get your face out of my mind, or at least the expression that was on it.

Maybe it won't be too long before I see you again and on that day, I hope, that maybe you'll remember me and look at me the same way you did that night...

Peace.
chauie
'Think of it every second, I can't get nothing done. Only concern is the next time..' - Because of You, Ne-Yo

[Update on] The Last 12 Hours

So if you follow my blog regularly, I posted about an old friend whom drunk-texted me a couple months ago at about 2.30am. The feeling I felt the morning after was not one of love for the guy. But it wasn't exactly hate either. More of a feeling that was mixed with confusion and annoyance.

Anyhow, I just received an online message from him via MSN and the summary of the conversation was that he apologised, even adding that "my drunk dials usually are fun". Whatever he wants to think, I'll let him think it. For now, at least. At least he knew that he was drunk.. despite denying it in the messages.

So I forgave him. I don't know, however, if I truly forgive him.
I know I said it just to say it though but I guess, as they say, actions speak louder than words so guess we'll just wait for the day when Eric and I are face to face again - minus any alcohol.

Night yo,
chauie
'I look around and you just ain't the same to me' - Know Better, Elliot Yamin

Stop and Shut Up!

On the way to work this week, was on the train and listening to some inspiring and empowering songs - really listening to the lyrics - and randomly I started writing and came up with this little piece... well it's probably more appropriate to classify it as a rant:

You don't care how much it hurts and unfortunately you won't realise until it's too late - when I've given up and left your life.

Maybe I can't get rid of you physically because of the people we know and interact with on a weekly basis, but mentally you're fading from my thoughts.

Your constant words and actions confuse the shit out of me each time I see you - just stop with your mixed signals.

Just stop completely.

Stop and shut up!

I am no longer going to allow you or any other guy to treat me the way you did.

As my best friend told me last night, you don't deserve me.

Not my time.

Not my mind.

Not my heart.
You only wanted one thing when we met and I realised too late but I'm glad I didn't give in to what you wanted from me or that other girl.

I'm walking away from you now.

Take a picture and capture it coz I won't be walking towards you anymore.

I'm putting my guards up and this time you can't break them down.

Peace yo.
chauie
'You put on quite a show. Really had me going, but now it's time to go' - Take A Bow, Rihanna

Used and Abused?

It's 3.46am and I'm still awake after a random night out.
Was at the Acclaim Magazine Launch (as previously blogged about) and a blast from my past was there but a part of me didn't feel right due to my actions and his being misconstrued and therefore I think we just miscommunicated what really should have been said and done.
Forgive me if this does not make any sense.
It was funny though coz my friend kept mentioning that he was looking over at me a lot even though his other half was there, but of course that just made her tighten her grip on him.
Oh well.

All I did was wave but you turned away...

On the plus side... I saw a cute guy... but I'll blog about that later... maybe... hehe

After the event, which turned out to be quite successful, we randomly decided to head out. The plan was to 'go hard, go fast' but that didn't quite go to plan when we couldn't really decide where to go.

By the end of the night I was really quiet and maybe I was tipsy or drunk... but really I was just deep in my own thoughts. My friends were sitting around talking about travel plans, propaganda and the documentaries on September 11th but I kinda shut myself away from the conversation and kept quiet whilst trying to keep myself warm lost in my own reflections of what's been happening lately and here's what I realised:

It's been a week and I'm still annoyed with her.
With all the things I've been hearing... I don't know if I should believe everything but right now things that have been said are turning out to be true.
She's a user and an abuser of the things we have. Using, abusing and not giving anything back in return.
I really don't know how to act with someone around like that.
To be honest, as much as I love the girl [as one of my good friends], I don't need someone like her in my life.
Worst thing is, I don't think she realises the negative vibe she's creating on everyone around her..

Okay time for bed.
Night.
chauie

'How could you be so cold as the winter wind when it breeze yo' - Heartless, Kanye West

Blueprint 3

(picture credit: www.chicagonow.com)

Jay Z's album 'Blueprint 3' drops tomorrow in Australia and I'm gonna grab me a copy after work :)

I know the leaked version has been out for a week or so now but I want to walk into the store and spend my money on an album worth purchasing and from what I hear, this will be money well spent.

On first impressions, before even listening to the tracks, and just looking at the guest spots - critics and fans alike are saying there's way too many. But songs these days just don't seem to be great without a catchy hook by someone else.

With two hot singles out already, I'm excited to hear what else Jay has been mixing up on the "adult stage" of the Blueprint trilogy.

Peace yo.
chauie