So if you would have read my previous post last night, there was a blink and you'll miss it part where I mentioned that I'd be going back to school for further study. I know it may be a bit of a contradiction after ranting on in
'Untitled' that a piece of paper meant shit to me. But I just wanna say that, for me, I'll be doing a course that I actually
want to do.
Yes, me. The girl that has never liked studying is going to be stepping foot into a classroom once again. Well a lecture room in this case. But honestly, I've never liked school. I was never one to strive academically.
You see, the thing is I've recently hit a bit of a crossroads where I didn't really know where I stood in life - career-wise, at least. With friends, I'm the quiet one but I like to party hehe. With family, I'm kinda like
the black sheep. That's how I see it anyway. How I think they see me. Not just my immediate, but those in my extended too. Oh well.
But with the rest of my life, I'm a bit lost to be honest. I've never known what I really wanted to do in life. Okay, maybe I've always known but there was always obstacles in the way of me achieving that goal. Being able to hit that target. And there was one big obstacle that's always been there and probably will always be: my parents.
Sometimes I question it though, like 'Aren't they supposed to support me in the decisions I make?' Not steer me in a different direction instead? Like when I said I was going to study Design. I remember one of the first reactions was
'But that's not going to make you any money?'I know that comment is going to open up a can of worms. Open up an old wound for me too.
A wound that never seems to want to heal. But just to let you know, I've only told my mum and I told her not to tell my brothers coz they all live in the same mindset as my parents where they wanna work in roles that will just lead them to lots of paper (cash). But
I don't give a shit about that. I've always known I've been the different one in my family. I don't care for the cash and fame that most young kids aspire for.
Don't get me wrong, I love famous people and meeting them is always a fun and exciting feeling but I don't think I'd ever want to
be famous. Most people are nobodies until they turn into somebodies. But for me, I'm a nobody that wants to stay a nobody. I don't care for the limelight, the spotlight, whatever you want to call it.
I'm happy being in the background. It's a role that I've gotten used to. And if I ever do get thrown in the limelight, I don't think I'd mind a little bit of it... I just don't know if I could handle it on my own.
The course I'm studying though may lead me to talking to those in the
'industry' but that's all I want. To talk to those in the industry. I'm not looking to be an extra in a film. I don't want to be a girl in no clothes shaking her ass in a video. And my voice would probably break windows if i ever stepped on stage. So therefore
I'm quite happy with the thought of being behind the camera rather than being in front of it.
The only time you'll ever see me in front of a camera is when I'm taking a photo with someone. I'm rarely alone in a pic. I avoid it as much as possible. Also, with people in the photo, I can let them dominate the photo as much as they want to and I can just fade into the back behind them.
I have a theory that
there are two types of people in this world - that you grow up and fall into two categories: smart and beautiful. Unfortunately for me I didn't really fall into either one. But I guess now, I'm going to try to fall into the first coz I know it's too late for the latter (see
'Untitled Pt 2').
Anyways my course starts July 20th which is the week after my Writing Course finishes so perfect timing I'd say. I really hope I can commit to these classes and finally head into the direction of where I want to be.
Peace yo...
chauie
