Finished!

Hey yo

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Was stressing out over my last week of study. Essays, exams, feature articles, presentations and a 3000-word report - all due over 10 days. If you were in my position, you'd be stressing out too!

Anyhow I'm back now :)
I finished my last class on Wednesday night and man, it felt good. I finally felt like I had achieved something. Granted, I still have another year to go considering I chose to continue with the Diploma, but I would still be content with finishing right now with the Certificate IV of Communications and Media.

I went to Uni back in the day but I dropped out. I was officially a "college drop-out" lol. That didn't matter to me. My parents were pretty peeved coz we spent so much money. But everything happens for a reason right? I mean it's not like my life spiralled out of control after that and I found myself doing nothing. I actually did have a little bit of a break but then I started applying for whatever job I could whereby a couple months later I found the job I'm currently at. That was almost 3 months ago. Crazy...

Anyhow... after realising my passion for writing was more than just writing for fun and actually wanting to write and get published, I applied for a short course with the Sydney Writer's Centre for 5 weeks. I didn't know how I'd feel being back in a classroom but because the class was mixed with different age groups, somehow it made it more comforting, merely for the thought that I wasn't the only mature-age person wanting to go back to study.

After that, I started looking into courses at other institutions. Funnily enough the first class for the Certificate was the week right after my short course finished. Talk about good timing.

I really feel like I've come a long way from the girl I was, say 5 years ago. My boss pointed it out to me a few months ago but I didn't take it in cause I didn't personally feel like I had reached that point yet. After that week of study though, I think I'm finally doing alright for myself. I hope I did as well this semester as I did last. Only time will tell now. Anxious!

Another surprising thing happened last weekend - in the midst of my stressing out, my best friend convinced me to come out to welcome home an old Uni mate - and I was able to catch up with a few people I hadn't seen in yonks. There was one friend, Tony, when I told him what I had been doing with my life since I saw him last - working, studying, and interning - he told me he was proud of me. That's something, isn't it?

Whenever you hear someone tell you they're proud of you for doing something that you don't think is a big deal it's pretty spesh. It kinda puts things in a fresh perspective. :)

I've also been doing some other thinking... This weekend I'm finally going to start letting go of my past. And the first step is to clean up my Facebook friend list. I can't believe I accepted "friend requests" from people who used to treat me like shit back in high-school and the days after "the best six years of your life" Bullshit!
They don't deserve my time nor do they need to know what I'm doing with my life - re: status updates.
If they really wanted to be my friends, they never would have used and abused me in the first place!

The thought crossed my mind the other day coz I saw a girl coming out of the train station near my workplace whom was part of the "popular" girls back in high-school. The girls bullied me for lots of reasons. One I'll share: the group consisted of eleven girls (me included) and one day decided they only wanted ten so they made up a rumour about me cheating in a major exam and decided they couldn't associate themselves with a cheater so they kicked me out. WTF?

What a load of shit.

By the way, that girl that I saw, she still looked like a bitch. Unapproachable and snobby.
I don't mind talking candidly about it coz it's the facts.

The reason for this sudden change? Not to sound corny, but I think my future is looking bright. Brighter than I could have ever predicted. Case in point: my editor at Acclaim magazine [the one I'm interning for] emailed me the other day and proposed a great opportunity! To write an article for the next issue!!! My dreams are finally coming true!

The catch? All I have to do is interview a Sydney hip hop duo called Horrowshow and basically chat to them, drink with them and take a few photos. She said that "it sounds a lot scarier than it is" haha

Let's hope I can do it. She's aiming to organise for the interview to happen next week! Woot woot!

On that feel-good note, I'm out.
Peace.
x
chauie
'It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life for me. And I'm feeling good' - Feeling Good, Muse

Throwback: 'It'

This is a piece I wrote during my years of Uni.. when I was still working at the family business (which is now mine). Sometimes I hate knowing Vietnamese but not being able to speak it (properly). There were so many times when I was working at that store, when I would have loved to throw back a smart or witty comment. Unfortunately, I didn't know or understand the correct context of certain words and so all I could do was sit there and listen.

Like this moment, back in August, 2006.
It sucks to realise that I still feel the same way now (sometimes) like the way I felt that night after the following happened:

"something happened today whilst working at the shop.
now i've never
really talked about this aloud but i guess after what happened earlier tonight
and all the emotions ive been feeling for the past few hours, i think it's time.
i shouldnt even be writing this blog entry
i should be doing / finishing
my uni work but i just gotta get this off my chest
so here goes:
everytime the story gets told about how
it happened, i just have that certain urge to cry.
i worked
at the shop tonight and an old friend of my mum's who knows the story came up to
me and asked to touch that part of my face.
there was a fellow customer
there standing on the side looking over at us with the expression 'wtf?' so my
mum's friend told this stranger the story.
all i could do was stand there
and listen to it being retold
she also mentioned that every time she sees
me, she yells at my mum for being so careless but it wasnt her fault.
even though i was way too young to know
anything, i was the stupid one.
it was my fault
and now,
because of my stupidity, i get looks and questions thrown my way about IT.
IT SUX - I WISH IT HAD NEVER HAPPENED BUT IT DID
AND UNFORTUNATELY I CANT CHANGE IT. "

There have been a lot of muddled thoughts in my head today. Though I really should be getting a wriggle on with my marketing assessment, I've spent the entire day thinking about me and what I truly want.
My life and what I want from it, specifically with work, family, writing...

x
chauie

A Night Out with the Girls..

So on the eve of this long weekend, where I should be doing more work than socialising, there was a girls night that was organised. I went to work confident that it was going to be a good day and night. And though I got the day part right, it was the night that let me down.

First off, the weather just added to my spirits. It was way too cold for any of us to be out but because it was the opening ceremony night of the soccer, we figured that the boys would be too busy watching it, that we HAD to take advantage of the rare night.

Surprise surprise, they came by anyway. Just at the very moment, we were gonna leave so that I could say hi and have a drink with a new 'friend'. You all know what I mean, I don't need to expand on that one.

Oh well. There's a little bit of regret in me for not going anyway when he first asked. When the challenge arised (just the one drink) and my best friend said to "go!" Although, I don't think she really realised what she was saying "go!" to... not at that specific moment.

Though the night was "wicked", no-one was completely plastered like we all planned to be.

Til next time ladies, when the other girls can join us for a proper night out.

Not motivated to do anything right now. In other news, I'm having second thoughts about my current studies. The place. Not the actual course. I shouldn't have been so impulsive!
x
chauie

He Looked Back

Last week, a guy who I once took a chance on came by my boss' desk to have a chat about a project she was helping him on. My desk is right next to hers and when it was time to leave, I saw him, out the corner of my eye... look back at me.

I wish he hadn't. I even slouched down in my seat purposely to avoid eye contact with him, but he still looked back. Ugh.

I hope this doesn't mean that he still has feelings for me. It happened so long ago... two years if my memory serves me right.

I gave him a chance and he screwed it up. Lying to his friends about the things we'd done. It was ONE drink and even that was torture. We had nothing in common.

All he could think to talk to me about was work - BORING!

And yet after that one drink, somehow he "fell in love" with me.

Someone pass me a bucket. NOW.  

Looking forward to the long weekend with a girls night tomorrow night to kick things off! :)

x
chauie

Adopted.

Sometimes I wish I was adopted.
My brother just straight out threatened me
All I did was make a smart comment but he didn't need to say what he said.
Twice

I'm always smart with him but we laugh it off.
This time it was... Scary.
He thinks he's so much better than everyone else because he's the breadwinner in our family

Honestly, who gives a fuck.

This is bullshit.

I really want to move out now.
Before, I wanted to quit my job because someone at work was pissing me off
Now I want to quit my job and live overseas and just never come back.

There's a new plan in line now:
Finish my degree, work my ass off to save a heap of cash and just move overseas.
Forget the family
Forget Sydney.
Just leave and go.

I'm out.
Too upset to write anymore although this is usually the best time for me to get my words out but tonight, I'm just going to lay in bed and cry a little while...
x
chauie
'It's all about the he says she says bullshit. I think you better quit, letting shit slip' - Break Stuff, Limp Bizkit