I'm feeling so anxious at the moment.
I just texted someone and I'm anxiously awaiting their response.
One great mate of mine decided to give up my birthday present to him so that I could give it to someone who could potentially change things for me. He told me he cared about my happiness more than the gift itself. So sweet.
The anxiety is slowly passing and the paranoid is starting to take over though.
A guy from my past has walked into my life lately.. the most significant being last night and I fear for what he has told others about me.
I know people have different opinions of me. They stereotype me to a certain extent or they think that just because I am a certain way when they first meet me then that must be my personality right?
First impressions may be important but most times the layers underneath are so much more important when you're getting to know someone.
I'm trying something new with someone new :)
And I really hope things work out because the last couple have just not turned out the way I thought..
I don't want to be pigeon-holed as someone that I am completely not.
Not wanting to reveal the finer details of this situation, I'm going to stop writing now.
But I'm so anxious about the response of the person on the other side of the text that I'm making myself paranoid and upset.
Not good.
Out.
x
chauie
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Stop
I saw the look on your face when you saw me walking out with them.
I know you still got it for me
But you should know by now
I'm definitely over you.
Scratch that, I was never into you
Nothing ever happened between us
So I don't know how
You supposedly felt something much deeper than I
You took me out on one date
And from then, I knew there was nothing to come out of the two of us
I know you still look for me
Glancing over my direction
Whenever we're in the same vicinity
But here's news for you:
You need to stop.
Stop being so desperate.
That is what turned me off in the first place.
You were far too clingy for my liking
The two guys I walked out with today know how to play the game
(as much as I hate playing games)
Nothing is happening
But if one of them rolled the dice,
I'd rather be their opponent than yours
(Rolling the dice and playing along with them)
Just got back from class and my feet are sore from my shoes lol
TGIF tomorrow.
Heading out for a big one with a possibility of certain people joining us :)
Can't wait!
Now it's time for bed... Nighty Night
x
chauie
I know you still got it for me
But you should know by now
Scratch that, I was never into you
Nothing ever happened between us
So I don't know how
You supposedly felt something much deeper than I
You took me out on one date
And from then, I knew there was nothing to come out of the two of us
I know you still look for me
Glancing over my direction
Whenever we're in the same vicinity
But here's news for you:
You need to stop.
Stop being so desperate.
That is what turned me off in the first place.
You were far too clingy for my liking
The two guys I walked out with today know how to play the game
(as much as I hate playing games)
Nothing is happening
But if one of them rolled the dice,
I'd rather be their opponent than yours
(Rolling the dice and playing along with them)
Just got back from class and my feet are sore from my shoes lol
TGIF tomorrow.
Heading out for a big one with a possibility of certain people joining us :)
Can't wait!
Now it's time for bed... Nighty Night
x
chauie
Monday, August 2, 2010
Long Weekend
Sometimes working in Finance has its advantages, like the Bank Holiday that was today was a public holiday for us which meant a long weekend but my sister decided to move houses this weekend and so my nephew came over. Saturday and Sunday were fine but then she decided to bring him over today too!
I love the little guy but I had planned to do all these things today like work on my assignment, go to the doctor to get my vaccinations for China, go camera shopping (or at least research for quotes rather than spending), etc.
Oh well, he slept for three hours today and luckily I managed to get one of those things ticked off the list - my assignment. Thank goodness - otherwise it would have been an all-nighter tonight.
Anyways I'm beat. Not much to report. I've been doing some thinking too about some things but am yet to make a decision on anything. Am really hoping that my trip to China in 18 days (!!) will help me decide things and have me come back with a fresh perspective.
x
Chauie
I love the little guy but I had planned to do all these things today like work on my assignment, go to the doctor to get my vaccinations for China, go camera shopping (or at least research for quotes rather than spending), etc.
Oh well, he slept for three hours today and luckily I managed to get one of those things ticked off the list - my assignment. Thank goodness - otherwise it would have been an all-nighter tonight.
Anyways I'm beat. Not much to report. I've been doing some thinking too about some things but am yet to make a decision on anything. Am really hoping that my trip to China in 18 days (!!) will help me decide things and have me come back with a fresh perspective.
x
Chauie
the cheeky little troublemaker that is my nephew, Hayden :)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Haters!
Sometimes I hate that act that you put on
Talking like you don't like something or someone
But I know the truth
I saw you play that music at the party
I know you watch that show.. yet when someone mentioned it in public you brushed it off.
Why? We all knew..
Why must you be a hater?
Because it's cool to hate?
Cool to hate someone that others like?
Just be honest with yourself and everyone else
Who cares if you like them?
You judge me for liking them... yet I bet they're still on your ipod.
You may not get the same reaction
Or have yourself feeling such emotions when you listen to them sing
But I do
So don't ruin it for the rest of us.
Just let us listen.
Random post but this has been playing on my mind.
x
chauie
'Haters, haters, snitch haters!' - Haters, Jay-Z ftg Kanye West
Talking like you don't like something or someone
But I know the truth
I saw you play that music at the party
I know you watch that show.. yet when someone mentioned it in public you brushed it off.
Why? We all knew..
Why must you be a hater?
Because it's cool to hate?
Cool to hate someone that others like?
Just be honest with yourself and everyone else
Who cares if you like them?
You judge me for liking them... yet I bet they're still on your ipod.
You may not get the same reaction
Or have yourself feeling such emotions when you listen to them sing
But I do
So don't ruin it for the rest of us.
Just let us listen.
Random post but this has been playing on my mind.
x
chauie
'Haters, haters, snitch haters!' - Haters, Jay-Z ftg Kanye West
Friday, July 30, 2010
Imperfect
In my mother's eyes, I'm probably the worst daughter she could've asked for. It just seems like nothing I do is good enough for her. Every Saturday morning, it's almost a guarantee that I'll come downstairs to make a cup of tea and she'll be cleaning or something and she'll see me and start conversing but not in a great way. In the end, we usually end up yelling at each other.
So I made plans for today to go out with my girlfriends months in advance. I overbooked myself coz I had to service the car but I thought things would be fine coz my dad and brother would be home to go pick it up and so mum would be able to take care of our nephew. Turns out, my mum had a doctor's appointment which Dad would be driving her. Fail One. So I had to cancel the car appointment but it was no big loss coz I managed to get an appointment for next weekend.
To her, she saw it in a different perspective. The different where I was at fault for everything. It was my fault for organising to go out when I (apparently) knew that my sister was going to move houses on this particular day and leave her son for us to babysit. To go out with my girlfriends on a day that she apparently told us months ago that she was going for this doctor's appointment.
Bloody hell.
My mum has never been proud of me. At least that's how it feels. As long as I pass my units she's happy. She doesn't care about what I'm studying or how happy writing makes me feel. That's the big strain on our relationship I think. I remember when I received the email from Alex that Nike had saw my work and gave me props, I was over the moon and couldn't stop smiling all day.
That night, I offered to go pick her up from work and during the car ride home, I told her my good news. Her reaction left me feeling so deflated. She wasn't even happy that things were working out for me - finally! The first thing she said was, 'Does that mean they're going to offer you a job now?'.
I was just like 'huh?' It's not all about the money but for her, as much as she denies it, it seems like it is.
I'm sorry I did bad in during my final year exams at High-School but at least I made it to Uni.
I'm sorry I dropped out of Uni but at least I found a job six months later and I'm still at that job.
Albeit I am unhappy at that job but she will never know that.
(It's funny in a sense that at work, I don't talk about my family and at home, I don't talk about work. Shrugs. My friends know everything and that's the way I'd like to keep it.)
When I told her I was going back to school, she was happy. But when she found out what I was studying, she said this: 'Well that's not going to make you any money'. See, she reverted back to the money. Because of that, I chose to pay for the course myself. And I've done well so far, having already finished one year of it.
It's terrible to think that your own mother can't be supportive of your dreams but if that's how it is, then I just have to live with it.
I'm out. Gotta get ready for my day out with the girls.
Can't wait to get out of here.
x
chauie
So I made plans for today to go out with my girlfriends months in advance. I overbooked myself coz I had to service the car but I thought things would be fine coz my dad and brother would be home to go pick it up and so mum would be able to take care of our nephew. Turns out, my mum had a doctor's appointment which Dad would be driving her. Fail One. So I had to cancel the car appointment but it was no big loss coz I managed to get an appointment for next weekend.
To her, she saw it in a different perspective. The different where I was at fault for everything. It was my fault for organising to go out when I (apparently) knew that my sister was going to move houses on this particular day and leave her son for us to babysit. To go out with my girlfriends on a day that she apparently told us months ago that she was going for this doctor's appointment.
Bloody hell.
My mum has never been proud of me. At least that's how it feels. As long as I pass my units she's happy. She doesn't care about what I'm studying or how happy writing makes me feel. That's the big strain on our relationship I think. I remember when I received the email from Alex that Nike had saw my work and gave me props, I was over the moon and couldn't stop smiling all day.
That night, I offered to go pick her up from work and during the car ride home, I told her my good news. Her reaction left me feeling so deflated. She wasn't even happy that things were working out for me - finally! The first thing she said was, 'Does that mean they're going to offer you a job now?'.
I was just like 'huh?' It's not all about the money but for her, as much as she denies it, it seems like it is.
I'm sorry I did bad in during my final year exams at High-School but at least I made it to Uni.
I'm sorry I dropped out of Uni but at least I found a job six months later and I'm still at that job.
Albeit I am unhappy at that job but she will never know that.
(It's funny in a sense that at work, I don't talk about my family and at home, I don't talk about work. Shrugs. My friends know everything and that's the way I'd like to keep it.)
When I told her I was going back to school, she was happy. But when she found out what I was studying, she said this: 'Well that's not going to make you any money'. See, she reverted back to the money. Because of that, I chose to pay for the course myself. And I've done well so far, having already finished one year of it.
It's terrible to think that your own mother can't be supportive of your dreams but if that's how it is, then I just have to live with it.
I'm out. Gotta get ready for my day out with the girls.
Can't wait to get out of here.
x
chauie
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