Long Weekend

Sometimes working in Finance has its advantages, like the Bank Holiday that was today was a public holiday for us which meant a long weekend but my sister decided to move houses this weekend and so my nephew came over. Saturday and Sunday were fine but then she decided to bring him over today too!

I love the little guy but I had planned to do all these things today like work on my assignment, go to the doctor to get my vaccinations for China, go camera shopping (or at least research for quotes rather than spending), etc.

Oh well, he slept for three hours today and luckily I managed to get one of those things ticked off the list - my assignment. Thank goodness - otherwise it would have been an all-nighter tonight.

Anyways I'm beat. Not much to report. I've been doing some thinking too about some things but am yet to make a decision on anything. Am really hoping that my trip to China in 18 days (!!) will help me decide things and have me come back with a fresh perspective.

x
Chauie 

the cheeky little troublemaker that is my nephew, Hayden :)

Haters!

Sometimes I hate that act that you put on
Talking like you don't like something or someone
But I know the truth
I saw you play that music at the party
I know you watch that show.. yet when someone mentioned it in public you brushed it off.
Why? We all knew..

Why must you be a hater?
Because it's cool to hate?
Cool to hate someone that others like?

Just be honest with yourself and everyone else
Who cares if you like them?
You judge me for liking them... yet I bet they're still on your ipod.

You may not get the same reaction
Or have yourself feeling such emotions when you listen to them sing
But I do
So don't ruin it for the rest of us.
Just let us listen.

Random post but this has been playing on my mind.
x
chauie
'Haters, haters, snitch haters!' - Haters, Jay-Z ftg Kanye West

Imperfect

In my mother's eyes, I'm probably the worst daughter she could've asked for. It just seems like nothing I do is good enough for her. Every Saturday morning, it's almost a guarantee that I'll come downstairs to make a cup of tea and she'll be cleaning or something and she'll see me and start conversing but not in a great way. In the end, we usually end up yelling at each other.

So I made plans for today to go out with my girlfriends months in advance. I overbooked myself coz I had to service the car but I thought things would be fine coz my dad and brother would be home to go pick it up and so mum would be able to take care of our nephew. Turns out, my mum had a doctor's appointment which Dad would be driving her. Fail One. So I had to cancel the car appointment but it was no big loss coz I managed to get an appointment for next weekend.

To her, she saw it in a different perspective. The different where I was at fault for everything. It was my fault for organising to go out when I (apparently) knew that my sister was going to move houses on this particular day and leave her son for us to babysit. To go out with my girlfriends on a day that she apparently told us months ago that she was going for this doctor's appointment.

Bloody hell.

My mum has never been proud of me. At least that's how it feels. As long as I pass my units she's happy. She doesn't care about what I'm studying or how happy writing makes me feel. That's the big strain on our relationship I think. I remember when I received the email from Alex that Nike had saw my work and gave me props, I was over the moon and couldn't stop smiling all day.

That night, I offered to go pick her up from work and during the car ride home, I told her my good news. Her reaction left me feeling so deflated. She wasn't even happy that things were working out for me - finally! The first thing she said was, 'Does that mean they're going to offer you a job now?'.

I was just like 'huh?' It's not all about the money but for her, as much as she denies it, it seems like it is.

I'm sorry I did bad in during my final year exams at High-School but at least I made it to Uni.
I'm sorry I dropped out of Uni but at least I found a job six months later and I'm still at that job.
Albeit I am unhappy at that job but she will never know that.
(It's funny in a sense that at work, I don't talk about my family and at home, I don't talk about work. Shrugs. My friends know everything and that's the way I'd like to keep it.)

When I told her I was going back to school, she was happy. But when she found out what I was studying, she said this: 'Well that's not going to make you any money'. See, she reverted back to the money. Because of that, I chose to pay for the course myself. And I've done well so far, having already finished one year of it.

It's terrible to think that your own mother can't be supportive of your dreams but if that's how it is, then I just have to live with it.

I'm out. Gotta get ready for my day out with the girls.
Can't wait to get out of here.

x
chauie  

Smart is Sexy!

I wrote this a little while ago.. this week has been soo busy for me. I've been home late every day this week and there's work drinks on tomorrow... Shitt...

Anyhow, read the below and I hope you enjoy.

~
I caught him looking at me through his glasses today
I know that sounds odd but I saw him
Trying to look at me from the corner of his frames
Taking them off every so often
And looking directly at me from across the room

I like guys with their glasses on
Some guys just suit it, you know?

I couldn't look directly at him though
I didn't want him to catch me looking at him
Nor did I want to give him any ideas
But every time he looked at me
I could feel my face getting warm
The shy side comes out of me then and usually asks
'Why me?'

Even though time has passed
He still has me hooked
Just a little bit
And ever so slightly
I'm hanging by a thread
And I can't tell you reasons why
But I think he knows
Because we've gone back to the usual game we were playing
Of flirting and ignoring each other.
Looking for each other.

And whenever I see him smile... Don't get me started! ;)

Even when I hear him talk
And he's explaining a particular subject,
It kinda turns me on.
The fact that he's so smart.
So articulate in the information he's speaking about - if that is even possible.

Smart is sexy.

Besides the fact that he is cute, looks do fade
And the main thing you want at the end of the day
(Particularly when you're both old and grey)
Is someone that can carry a decent conversation
Whether it be funny or intellectual

Mmmm... care to disagree?


x
chauie

Lipstick

I wasn't even thinking of blogging tonight... I'm actually quite tired and sleepy..which is kind of suprising considering I haven't slept properly in the past month. Well maybe it hasn't been a month but it sure feels that long! Anyways like I said I wasn't going to blog tonight. I wasn't really in the mood to be perfectly honest but I just watched a chick flick that really just got me in the mood to write.

The movie was about courage and confidence. Survival of the fittest. Red lipstick.

I've never been able to wear red lipstick but I've always wanted to. Red lipstick to me is worn by women who are confident and apologies for quoting a beauty commercial here, but 'lovin' the skin you're in'. I haven't quite reached that stage yet.

Don't get me wrong, some days I'm confident and I feel nothing can bring me down. Other days I feel socially awkward and don't really want to talk to anyone. One day I hope to reach that stage where I'm not afraid of anything - particularly to wear the right shade of red lipstick. :)

I'm lying in bed right now, looking around my room and there's so many different personalities in here, that I don't know which aspect of this room represents my true personality.

My overflowing wardrobe represents my many moods and the clothing inside helps me to reflect my mood through my outfits everyday.
My beauty table with my bottles of products and make-up represents my experimental side where I've always wanted to try new looks and as I've never actually been taught how to apply make-up correctly, I'm usually standing in front of the mirror trying to mix up colours to get a look that doesn't have me looking like a clown!
My entertainment corner of my books, magazines and music represents my eclectic taste and everything I've ever loved about the three categories - the three subjects that got me writing in the first place. Believe it or not, I started out writing poetry when I was young and trying to turn them into songs but then I found out I didn't have the patience to learn a musical instrument and unfortunately I've been told I don't exactly have a great singing voice. Bin that idea.
My shoes are scattered but hidden either in their original shoe box or another pair's. I think this shows that I'm not really a shoe girl. I'd be happy with less than 5 pairs of shoes but unfortunately I do fall into the traps of a good sale or a new trend - if it's not too crazy!
My bedside table is everything that is what I love but is also a chaotic mess. Besides the usual items of the bedside lamp, my phone, lip balm and water, I also have a photo of my dad and I, a pile of stacked CD's, my sunnies, Berroca, red nail polish (not the same confidence I would project if the red were on my lips).. and a box of trinkets.

The doors of my wardrobe used to be the place. The place where I felt my personality shone through. The place I obtained my inspiration from my writing. 5 separate doors, 5 seperate sections all filled up with photos of friends and family. 3 doors filled with photos from high-school, friends I formed during the period between high-school and my second year of uni, and my uni friends. A few months ago, I realised that I hardly spoke to any of those people anymore and I stripped off all those photos.

There were hundreds of photos up there and trust me, they were a bitch to take off but one night after laying in bed for hours and not being able to sleep, just staring at those faces and those memories, I decided I just didn't want them anymore.

I took them all down, except for six:
The first is my nephew whom I love and am so proud to be his aunty - can't wait to hear him utter his first words!
The second is my best friend Dani and I at the beach looking calm and relaxed. She's the epitome of confience and beauty - yet she doesn't need red lipstick to represent that! Love love love her!
Third, a group photo of my main crew, the thirteen itches, and more on our first big end of year trip. It was a memorable occasion and some things shall never be repeated. ;) They say that you change your friends every seven years. I hope I stick with this particular group of individuals for as long as possible!
Fourth, my girlfriends and I at a music festival. It was raining but we are all so happy in that picture. It's so funny how we met and stuck to each other despite leaving behind the boys who introduced us to each other! I remember one time, we went out to eat and someone at the table asked us how we knew each other - the story was so complicated to explain, but it was funny just the same! We hardly get to see each other as our lives and schedules are all so different but it's a guarantee that we'll always have fun when we do!
Fifth, my two best mates from work - Kelly and Mikey. Despite not really knowing them until well after a year into my employment there, we've been there for each other through many things - deaths, engagements, new jobs, stressful days, drunken nights out, everything! I'm so glad to have them in my life and the truth of the matter is, I see them more than my own friends sometimes! Crazy!! It's crazy to think we're not sick of each other yet!
Last but not least, rounding it all up is a picture of my family and I at my sister's wedding almost 6 years ago. Despite all the shit that has happened... I know I'll always have a place to call home. Even though most of the time for me, there's miscommunication because of the language barrier between me and the parentals, they know that I'm trying. I'm just still waiting for that day to hear those words though... 

Anywho, I'm out for the night.
x
chauie