He Looked Back

Last week, a guy who I once took a chance on came by my boss' desk to have a chat about a project she was helping him on. My desk is right next to hers and when it was time to leave, I saw him, out the corner of my eye... look back at me.

I wish he hadn't. I even slouched down in my seat purposely to avoid eye contact with him, but he still looked back. Ugh.

I hope this doesn't mean that he still has feelings for me. It happened so long ago... two years if my memory serves me right.

I gave him a chance and he screwed it up. Lying to his friends about the things we'd done. It was ONE drink and even that was torture. We had nothing in common.

All he could think to talk to me about was work - BORING!

And yet after that one drink, somehow he "fell in love" with me.

Someone pass me a bucket. NOW.  

Looking forward to the long weekend with a girls night tomorrow night to kick things off! :)

x
chauie

Adopted.

Sometimes I wish I was adopted.
My brother just straight out threatened me
All I did was make a smart comment but he didn't need to say what he said.
Twice

I'm always smart with him but we laugh it off.
This time it was... Scary.
He thinks he's so much better than everyone else because he's the breadwinner in our family

Honestly, who gives a fuck.

This is bullshit.

I really want to move out now.
Before, I wanted to quit my job because someone at work was pissing me off
Now I want to quit my job and live overseas and just never come back.

There's a new plan in line now:
Finish my degree, work my ass off to save a heap of cash and just move overseas.
Forget the family
Forget Sydney.
Just leave and go.

I'm out.
Too upset to write anymore although this is usually the best time for me to get my words out but tonight, I'm just going to lay in bed and cry a little while...
x
chauie
'It's all about the he says she says bullshit. I think you better quit, letting shit slip' - Break Stuff, Limp Bizkit

Fun and Dangerous

Last night I stayed back for Friday night work drinks.
The weather was horrible - stormy, cold and depressing - so no-one wanted to go outside and across the street to our local pub. So instead of all us being kicked out of our building at 6pm when the event officially ended, the ten of us that were left at the end, stayed, and didn't end up actually walking out of the building until almost eleven. Whoops.. hehe

I know this post may be contradictory to how I felt earlier this week but it was Friday and it was work drinks. The people who stayed were not the usual crowd and plus the beauty of it was that we didn't talk about work. We talked about everything but. And I wasn't with anyone from my team except for my boss whom is a totally different person after a few beers plus she left at around 9 after getting in trouble from her other half.

Being single, I'm glad that I wasn't getting any phone calls or texts from some guy asking me where I was. The plus side also was that the cute guy in my building was also there and when we proceeded downstairs to another level to continue our far-from-sober antics during the night, let's just say we both couldnt stop flirting with each other!

I don't know if anything will happen and I don't mind if it doesn't coz flirting can be pretty fun when it's reciprocated ;)

I'm kind of looking forward to Monday but not... hehe

It was a much-needed night (to have a drink or a few) after my rough week at work.
Very fun but perhaps dangerous...

I'm out.
Babysitting my nephew for the afternoon.
x
chauie

Do What Makes You Happy, Right?

Well guess what? I'm not happy.

I went to work today with a good attitude. I was ready to take on the day's challenges... sorta - I wasn't in a GREAT mood. lol
Anyways, I logged in and one thing after another started to go wrong.
With no sleep from the night before and my friend of the week visiting, I was on an all emotional high.
I don't know what happened.
One minute I was fine. The next minute, I found myself running to the bathroom and sitting in one of the stalls for half an hour crying my eyes out.

Dani called me after a text I sent and it really helped me calm down.
She pointed out all the right and wrong things happening in my life and I thank her for it.
After we hung up, I realised something:
I'm NOT HAPPY.

Every aspect of my life is good right now. Except for work.
I think this goes beyond the problem I previously had in the office.
My heart's just not in it anymore.
I used to enjoy going to work. Now I dread it.
I've been there for almost three years (crazy, I know!) ... geez that realisation just makes me more depressed.
The only thing really keeping me there is probably the money.
As shit as the job is, it's a full time job with a steady income.
If I leave, I will still keep in contact with the people that I care about.
Only the people I care about.
The others aren't worth my time.

My boss was in a meeting at the time I broke down (a good and bad thing) but I sent her an email before I left for home. Dani told me to lie and tell her I was sick and whilst it was a good idea at the time, I've always been honest with my boss so I told her the truth - in as little amount of words as possible because I just wanted to run out of that building.

My boss knows how I feel. How I've felt for the past year or so about working here.
It sucks but it's the truth.
I know she's gonna be hurt when she reads that email but sometimes I feel like it hurts me more to be working here.

Anyways, I'm outtie. Gotta finish this assessment due at midnight. Halfway there!
One red bull and too many dark chocolate tim tams consumed already but I'll let you know if I made the deadline.

x
Chauie
'One foot outside the door, I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure. Can't keep on tryin' if you're looking for more, Than all that I could give you than what you came here for' - Almost Doesn't Count, Brandy

Under the Pump

Things have been pretty stressful these past few weeks (minus Friday - read my previous post), particularly with school and work. It's crunch time with TAFE being that it's approaching the end of semester so I'm under the pump for getting all the assessments done in time and studying for exams. Crud! lol

I haven't even been out since (best friend) Dani came back. There was that one night with dinner and lame music at a used-to-be-cool club but I've seriously haven't been out and about. Every Friday night, I've gone home to study (or try to anyway). One family event last weekend but I had to go to that. If I didn't, my head would have been chopped off. Okay, maybe a little too drastic there, but if I didn't show up to my grandma's 86th, my mum would have gotten told off which in turn would have me getting told off. Just a string of problems I wanted to avoid.

But getting in the mood to study and work has not been going well. I keep getting distracted.. lol
Truth is, procrastination is a bad bad thing haha

Work is still the same. I have all these plans to do something but then I ask someone for advice and somehow they talk me out of it! Gr! Why??!!!

Because of the pressure of work and school, my regular blogging posts have diminished. For the past couple of weeks, I've only managed to send (editor of Acclaim) Alex one or two pieces, compared to my usual 2-3 a week. Not a good sign coz writing is what makes me happy. It's my comfort zone but the fact that my efforts are slipping because of other shit on my plate is not a good sign.

Anyways, I've just finished my Marketing notes for my exam tomorrow (!).. now to see what else is on my "To-Do" list... 'write a feature article'. Yay! Writing. Maybe this article will put my mood back into good spirits. Now what shall I write about?

Peace.
x
chauie
'Isn't life under the sun just a crazy dream? Isn't life just a mirage of the world before the world? Why am I here and not over there? Where did time begin? Where does space begin? Where do you and I begin?' - The Stillness Is The Move (Dirty Projectors Cover), Solang Knowles