Unwanted Memories - 'Everything Happens For A Reason'

So on Tuesday I had a review for an accident I had last Friday night that had me ending up in the Emergency Room at 2 in the morning... shit was crazy but I'm not gonna go into it.

So it was the end of my review and the nurse asked me what happened 'there'?

I know where 'there' is and I guess I should be used to answering this question as I've had to answer it my whole life. When I first started getting asked, I have to be honest I choked up a bit whenever I had to give a reply, but since it had been so long since someone had asked me this particular question about that particular area... once again I could feel the tears welling up in the corners of my eyes.

Here I was, in front of a stranger, explaining what happened to me when I was young and all the bullshit that I had to deal with there on after. But in a way, that saying 'everything happens for a reason' does kinda fall into place for me there I think, only because I see the way people treat me and act around me. The way they judge me on my looks and shit.

Cats be walking on eggshells around me [when that topic comes up].

High-school was the worst. Especially with all the backstabbing and bitching going on. Especially with the girls. Man, girls are so catty in high-school. Or maybe they never stop being catty. I know I've experienced some cattiness at work but that's a different story altogether.

Boys better watch out though coz I'm always saying this and that is:

all girls can be a bitch when she wants to be.

But back to this story... this nurse, Sarah, was asking me these questions, well that particular one, but I didn't feel the need to shut her down. She had such a nurturing characteristic that for the next 15 minutes, I felt that I could just let my guards down and tell her all the shit I've been through with friends, former and current, and the worst, family members.

That shit is fucked when you overhear aunts and uncles talking about you and the way you look at parties and shit. Topic seems to come up every year. They drink and talk and they look around at all the kids and then there, they spot me. And they start talking.

Fuck the talk. I hate the talk. But I listen anyway. Don't know why. I just do.

Anyways I'm out.
Peace.
x
chauie

"Coz my comfort would prefer to for me to be numb and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become" - C.S Lewis Song, Brooke Fraser